getting to know someone

This statement suggests a potential romantic partner. Correct me if I'm wrong.

at what point do you decide to trust someone?

Trust someone how? Trust someone enough to let him take naked pictures of you and not post them on the internet?

Trust someone enough to believe them when they say their cell phone battery was dead when they promised they would phone you the other night.

Trust someone enough to risk telling them you have an internet crush on kleinbl00 but would run the other way if he came crashing through your window?

Let's call the romantic interest person X. Person X wanted to get "closer" and couldn't get past your defenses. You felt "accused" (your word) by X's comment. RED FLAGS are going up for me right now over that encounter. I think your defenses are up for a reason. X had other choices. X could say, "Hey Refugee, I'd like to get closer to you, but I can see that you are being cautious. So let's take our time. I hope soon you'll see enough of me to trust me."

X made it personal and rather than look at why he couldn't gain your trust, he blamed you for having ALL your defenses up.

That's what I get from the little you've told us.

Here's another thought:

You've been hurt and now you are learning to protect your heart - and maybe to value yourself more. That sounds like a good idea to me. With more practice you'll learn that you are strong enough to get by on your own for a while. I think we get a lot of information about people early on -- we see what kind of people they are -- but we IGNORE the bad stuff because our loneliness and our alcohol consumption blot it out.

Anyway, only you will know when you feel right about trusting someone. Saying "yes" to an infatuation makes you vulnerable. You don't know what will happen when you say yes. On the other hand, "no" locks you into yourself.

This is a really interesting and unanswerable question. I might take it over to my blog at some point.