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comment by mk
mk  ·  4170 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: SOME F**KING WRITING TIPS

He opened the meat locker. A frosted barrel of fur lay at his feet. The only companion that had never regarded his club foot, was a block of ice. The dog's last meal was lamb. He set the lock and stepped inside.





lil  ·  4169 days ago  ·  link  ·  

When I first read this, I thought the block of ice was his best friend. It took me another read to realize that the block of ice was his dog. I hope you don't mind my edit which you'll see shortly in a separate post. I also gave "him" a random name, so that it is 100% clear that it was him that set the lock and not the dead lamb or block of ice. I've been making many cognitive errors lately - about $55 worth earlier today. I hope this isn't another one.

lil  ·  4170 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Someone is looking for something: Man looks for acceptance and love in his dog companion. Dog looks for lamb. Commercial version: They find it. Literary version: They both find it. They both lose it.

_refugee_  ·  4167 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Literary version: They both find it and eat it.