The Care Card

I was conscious when she walked in but my senses were failing. I saw her lips part, her eyes open wide, I saw her right hand drop the keys, while the left one tore her plum tote from her shoulder but I never heard them hit the floor.

I had taken to watching television shows on my phone while driving daily from DC to Annapolis. I found that my phone rested perfectly atop the well placed volume and tuner knobs on my dash. For the past three years I had been watching the West Wing, of the 156 episodes, I had watched 148. It was a commitment, that I was sad to see end.

Every tuesday Jennifer had a spinning class at the "Y" and didn't get home till 7:30. These nights I could spend with Ella alone. Now that she was talking in sentences, it really opened up a new world. I could ask her what she wanted to do. More often than not this meant watching a movie. I tried to watch the West Wing with her. It didn't work, but I could now recite all of the words to Mary Poppins.

*

Ever since the Care Card I drank more. At first I made no attempt to hide it, I just drank. Mostly scotch, but as Jen's looks turned to lashings I switched to wine, four glasses to her one. Then once she fell asleep, the scotch reappeared.

Two years prior to Jen's keys hitting the floor I was driving, watching episode 23, when I received a call from Chet. He wanted to know why I had gone over his head and pitched an idea to the President of the company. He also wanted to know how I found the time to focus on things like "starving kids" when my numbers were in the tank. He said, "look, I like the idea, we all do but your job is to sign up new customers. There are people we pay a lot of money to that think up new product lines and your not one of them. Drop the Care Card.

**

I used to run four days a week. I had a flat stomach and a tight chin. I could smile at younger girls and they'd smile back. Now they just seem confused and returned a look that asked, "do I know you?"

"No, no you don't," is the look I gave back. I have to do something about this gut. If I created something big, then they'd smile. Then, Ella would have something to be proud of her father for and Jen wouldn't care about the scotch.

***

Being a highly commissioned sales executive, my income had dropped once I started focusing on the Care Card. I spent my entire day imagining it's impact, concocting a branding strategy, key markets for implementation. I even thought up which celebrities would be ideal for pitching it. I daydreamed of saying "no" to the ones I thought shouldn't pitch it. "I'm sorry Mr. Cruise, but you're just not the demographic we're after, we're looking for a more Bono-esque face."

****

It's true what they say about the world slowing down at the end. The last seconds seem like years. I lived with the vision of her keys slowly moving towards the tile, the bag following. I lived with the sight of Jen's eyes so worried, her mouth agape. Even after the crimson worked it's way in from the periphery of my vision, I felt Jens arms wrapped around my legs and I lived in her lifting arms for what seemed like forever.

She would live with it forever.

That morning, on my car ride home when I finished the West Wing series, I turned on my car radio and heard the advert for the Care Card.

That was it.