I'm procrastinating, so I'll take a shot at these. 1. First step is to sit your son down, tell him you're on his side regardless, and let him know he can talk to you about bullying, sexuality, or anything in between just as soon as he feels ready. Second step is to let the school's administration know that your child came home with a black eye -- they might have information for you (assuming you've got a good principal). I'm a big fan of relatively hands-off parenting (from experience as a son, not father), so I wouldn't take things any farther at that point. (Openly bringing up either issue, calling a p/t conference, etc. Those are for later.) 2. Easiest one on the list. Send an immediate /allmsg with an apology and an explanation, and forget about it. It's college. Shit happens. 3. Play it off, bring it up when you're alone with your SO. Explain why you thought it was rude, ask why she thought it wasn't/ignored it, ask if that's going to raise an issue. You don't have to enjoy the company of your SO's friends -- it just makes things easier. (Keep in mind that it can't be huge fun to "third wheel" for several hours, and that presumably this person's behavior has been normal up to the comment. Don't overreact.) 3.2 N/A Never snap at someone unless you know they're intentionally trying to hurt you. There's almost always a contingent circumstance of some sort, and there's really no point in making it impossible to patch things up by overreacting. There's always time to get mad later. 4. Confused. Not too many sports where someone on your own team can foul you. If they hurt you intentionally, two scenarios exist: a) other people noticed, and you can use court of public opinion to shame this person to tears, or b) no one noticed (unlikely, it seems to me). If the latter, make a scene. If it comes to it, stop playing. There's no way in hell I would keep playing a sport with someone who hurt me on purpose -- I've got real friends to hang out with instead. Additionally, that makes him the person who ruined his own team's chances by attacking their star player and making him leave. 5. I always laugh when that happens now. In my younger, dumber days I would sometimes intentionally instigate a car chase, because the recipients tend to panic and do extremely idiotic things. This is obviously a bad idea and only possible in certain situations. 5.2 Depends. If there are two lanes going one way, the right lane in my opinion can pretty much go however slow they please (American). Left is different. People who sit in the left lane going extremely slowly as car after car passes them just confuse me. If it's a single-lane situation and you have to get by, just honk, flash your hazards and gesture for them to pull into the shoulder. Wave apologetically as you speed by, and think nothing more of it. 6. Compromise! Add parts of their plans to your plan, mix ideas, schmooze, make them feel like they had your idea, etc. Talk to everyone privately. Politics.
Fun reading your thoughts. Also, rolled reading the "Um." XD But where is my pie!? Oh nvm. I like your reactions, and am particularly impressed by 3.2. I admittedly have a very short fuse (I have my reasons, but there's not really an excuse for it ever), so hearing you're more of a zen master is interesting to me. You really never just... overreact to someshit? cuz you're cranky or otherwise?
Not really. I was taught/extrapolated at an extremely early age that showing emotion equated to weakness (just how I grew up -- this is not a generalization or by any means always true). It ties back to: ...but I don't really feel like going into that right now. So if I ever did have a short fuse, which I'm sure I did as a child, I learned to ruthlessly internalize it. I happen to be staring at something hanging on my wall that illustrates this in an entertaining way; this past Christmas my coworkers and I did a "Secret Santa"^ gift exchange and the gift I received was a Grinch shirt with "the many faces of the Grinch" -- happy, sad, angry, etc. on it. My Secret Santa had printed a picture of my expressionless face out and pasted it over the Grinch's. So now the face, mine, is the same for every emotive descriptor. It was a great gift. ^we had to call it "Elusive Elf" for political correctness I swear to god I'm not making that up EDIT: chess pie.I'm a big fan of relatively hands-off parenting (from experience as a son, not father)
I'm thinking this topic is dead, but I find this interesting. My initial reaction was that this was a really sad thing to hear, but then remembering my own family, I realize it's according to the person. I guess I was just wondering your take on that? Also, I suck at chess. Maybe it's tasty and I just never knew! =DI was taught/extrapolated at an extremely early age that showing emotion equated to weakness
Oh, I just commented on your food post. Some interesting stuff, though you may actually be overestimating my food budget/available prep time. I'm not sure if what I said was sad. I've only recently begun obliquely self-analyzing to the extent where I might decide how it's affected me (if it has). I usually take an extremely practical view of the world, and am of the opinion that my childhood doesn't really matter in comparison with where I am now. I honestly tend to look down on people who wear their hearts on their sleeves, who lose control, who can't make a rational point without allowing emotion in. I am glad that I am not like that. I don't really understand why anyone who is like that would continue to choose to be like that. I mean no offense in case you are one of those people -- this is something about me that kicked off when I was so young I really can't help it, although I wouldn't change it if I could. It boils down to: I'm a rationalist. I'm glad I'm a rationalist. I have often found, when talking to friends, family, coworkers, that their emotions interfere with their ability to reason. I can't be sure that I wouldn't have that mindset if I had grown up in a family with a different dynamic, so I am content with my childhood. Don't think about it much; it was a stepping stone. Since I can't imagine being any other way, I guess I can't answer your question.
Yeah see that's what I thought. It at first sounded really sad, but then I thought "well not necessarily." And the latter is what you talked about. Yes, I am the kind of person who wears their heart on their sleeve, but I took no offense, because I know what you mean by liking who you are and never wanting to change. I changed to no sleeve-wearing, and immediately sought to change back because it's just not how I like to live. But, don't assume everyone who wears their hearts on their sleeves in over-emotional, over-reacts, and is uber defensive. It does help with reading other people a whole lot too. Also, yo, those super-cool vitamins with sugar and fiber are usually like $1.30 a pill. That's more than the ramen meal I put up. And it literally takes the same time as mac and cheese because they both force you to wait for water to boil.