I'm not sure. I have been thinking about this for a few minutes and every time I start to name something I wish to see more of in myself, I get a vague feeling that idle speculation on what I would change is somehow sort of ... cowardly in some way. Almost meaningless. I guess the thought process is that if there's anything worth mentioning here, I started changing it (or should have, at least) a long time ago. This is an oddly-worded question. I keep thinking I've come up with an answer and then it turns out I actually haven't.
This quote seemed a little relevant, although I'm not sure how much I agree with it: “It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us, and makes us unique. It’s not easy, but if you accept your misfortune and handle it right, your perceived failure can become a catalyst for profound reinvention.” -Conan O’Brien Yeah, I suppose that speculating on what I'd like to change isn't necessarily the best thing, but I'm curious as to how people do change, or whether they want to. There's a balance between being who I think I am "naturally", and being who I'd like. I try to be more confident or think of others more that I find myself "naturally" doing, although at that point it's pretty semantic.
See, I think their are a lot of things about myself that I might change -- I can't think of anything that isn't superficial off the bat but I'm sure there are quite a few -- but admitting to yourself that you want to change how you are can be a self-inflicted chink in your own self-esteem. I'm so used to acting confident and taking control of situations etc. that I have become that way, I guess. That is, where do you draw the line between acting a certain way in order to be that way ... and just being that way?
That's a fantastic question - one that I've thought of consciously or subconsciously but without putting into words. I'm not a psychologist, but I do think that acting a certain way to be that way can or will eventually turn into just being that way. That stems mostly from the idea that forcing yourself to smile can actually "make" you happier, although I assume this is an aggregate measure. A lot of this comes from the conflict between the notion that we ought to be ourselves, that there isn't anything inherently wrong with our personalities, and when people tell others that they should stop being so judgmental, or be more confident, or less talkative, etc. There's room for both of these to be true, but they definitely conflict in my mind.