Conversation I fucking hate that I have whenever COVID comes up

"Ohhh! I'm so sorry that you're dealing with long COVID! When did you catch it?"

"Tail end of February 2020."

"Wow! That's, like, before COVID existed."

"First verified case of COVID in the USA was two exits north in January. Second verified case of COVID in the USA was two miles east in January."

"So did you ever, like, test for it?"

"I spent two hours on the phone trying to get my insurance company to pay for the test, which was fifteen thousand dollars at the time. We had the tubes and could have done it immediately but my insurance company told me they wouldn't approve it without my PCP signing off. Spent another two hours trying to get ahold of my PCP who said they weren't testing anyone who wasn't in respiratory collapse in the back of an ambulance."

"Oh wow. But, like, later?"

"Later the Department of Health stopped all testing in the Seattle area under the rubric that since COVID was endemic to the area there was no point in testing."

"But surely you took an antibody test..."

"After six weeks I finally bullied my PCP into approving one, which came back negative. A week later it was one of the hundreds of antibody tests pulled by the FDA for having no efficacy."

"So, like, you might not ever have had COVID."

"Well according to my cardiologist it did about as much damage to me as a heart attack. And my pulse-ox was 95 or below for about eighteen months."

"you know, people miss heart attacks all the time!"

"Yep, you're right. I was running four miles a day and now I'm walking six because it's all in my head."

"No need to be so touchy! I mean, when I had COVID I got a positive test immediately..."

"You're right. I've never actually tested positive for COVID. Must be lupus or some shit."

"Well did you wear a mask?"

"Back in February of 2020? No. No I did not. Neither did you."

"You don't know that - "

"ಠ_ಠ"