My cousin, who grew up in civilization, didn't really take any of my "New Mexico stories" seriously until he went down to the Balloon Fiesta and, coincidentally, spent a week hanging out with one of the girls in my clique. I think hearing the same stories from a different perspective took him from "kleinbl00 is a serial liar just like grandpa" to "holy shit." She's happily married, works at Sandia National Labs, and Teh Brokenz are still plainly evident.

New Mexico Stories

So y'all had camps, prolly. We had "Hummingbird Music Camp." It was a shithole up in the "mountains" that looked a lot like the prison camp in "Bridge on the River Kwai" if Walter White and Jesse Pinkman were imprisoned there rather than Obi Wan Kenobi. I went there for a week in 4th grade, and then like 3 days in 7th, 8th and 9th grade. The boys' dorm was an uninsulated steel box that got insufferably hot in the summer, impossibly cold in the winter and at night, the perspiration of a hundred grade-school kids would condense on the steel rafters and rain down on you. The camp "counselors" (8th grade sociopaths) would arrange the bunks to maximize the drippage and then make fun of you for "wetting your bed." They would also make sure everyone took a mandatory nap by heating up bent coat hanger wires until they glowed cherry red and threatening to poke out any eye they saw. The place was great. If you were in band? You had to spend a few days there every fucking year. They were all about Jesus, would kick out any girl who wore short shorts (but only if they saw any of the family eyeballing them) and gave you half a glass of milk with every meal. I caught food poisoning from some wretched shit they made, had projectile vomiting and diarrhea and they still made me hike 4 miles past Sulfur Springs at night so I could have "eggs mixed together, thrown in an ammo can and tossed onto a raging campfire so they can be simultaneously raw, charred and smoked" for breakfast.

Add an oboe for pure joy.

My sister informed me this morning that "uncle Elliott" was the "wedding dress rapist."

New Mexico, he said, was where Higgins had been living for the last several years. Evidence showed Higgins was originally from Ohio and had even been arrested there in the 1970s for multiple sex crimes involving minors, including indecent exposure, assault, prowling and gross sexual imposition.

Higgins also followed in his father’s footsteps, becoming an expert French horn player, Kennedy said. Records show Higgins helped establish Hummingbird Music Camp in the late 1950s, played in or directed several orchestras and symphonies, and helped start what is now known as the International Horn Competition in the mid-1970s.

Investigators believe the latter proved most beneficial for his criminal activities, as the competitions were held at various colleges and universities across the U.S., including at the University of Alabama. Kennedy said investigators confirmed Higgins had been in Tuscaloosa for the competition when the 1991 and 2001 assaults occurred.

Yeah. So your kid gets arrested in Ohio several times for trying to diddle children so what do you do? Flee to New Mexico and OPEN A FUCKING KID'S CAMP.

It's still open.

Creepy mutherfucker. His wife looked just like the women he raped.

They all fucking knew.

New Mexico Stories