I've been married for a gazillion years, and I'm still learning what my wife wants. The point isn't to be perfect, but just to try, put some effort. Trying is like 99% of the battle. Sounds so easy when you say it out loud, but hard in practice sometimes.
It's even harder when the other person really isn't sure what she wants. Prime example, the other night, she's talking about how she's "not even truly sure if that's what she wants" in reference to dating other people, and how "she doesn't even have time for that, how she likes me, knows she likes me, loves spending time with me"., etc. Other examples include her asking me what communication I want, and feel like I should get, if/when she goes on other dates. My response? The only two things I need are (a) to know when you're going on a date involving the climbing gym we both go to so that I know what space to give her if that happens and (b) if she meets someone who she would rather spend more time with than me. That's it, the rest is as little/as much as she wants to share. Which surprised her, in a good way. She keeps making these stories in her head about all this.
This is honestly the first time in this saga I've felt there was anything healthy going on here, for either of you. And this is wonderful! Keep communicating your needs, and understanding her needs, and ... what more does one need? That's a good foundation, right there. "That's it, the rest is as little/as much as she wants to share. Which surprised her, in a good way."
Another recent example that seems healthy is we spent time together a few nights ago, hit around 10pm, asked what her thoughts were on spending the night together vs. apart. She stated she felt it would be good for her to have alone time, and asked how I felt about that because she was worried I would be disappointed. My response was that I was happy she was telling me her wants and needs, and that I had no expectation or spending the night but wanted to ask as it was getting late, no disappointment, etc.
BOOM! That's lovely communication and honesty, right there. That's the good stuff, because - even if it doesn't work out between you two in the end - you will both be clear on WHY it didn't work, because everything is up front and genuine and honest. I love this for you... honestly.
I envy your capacity to navigate this! I do hope it all works out. That seems very positive!! In your shoes, if we weren't exclusively seeing each other I'd be somewhat closed off. I would happily go on dates and continue to see her but there'd be a limit to what I'd be emotionally investing in. Certainly not saying you're going about it the wrong way! I suspect I'd miss out on the experiences and memories you're developing right now. This has reminded me, and it might not be something you can specifically answer so floor is open to all.. I'd heard that American's are surprisingly not very promiscuous? Obviously we can't generalize a massive country like that, but the American's I've met over the years here in NZ, have usually been quite surprised that A) we Kiwis have sex very early on in the "dating" phase (or just straight up one-night stands) and B) usually have quite a few partners in their lifetime. I always assumed we consume so much American culture that we followed suit and American's were similar to us when it comes to relationships, but apparently not!Came back to me