Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime. That’s why I’m posting on company time. The Bible, The Quran, The Baha’i Writings, I’m not burned out on them, but when you read from them everyday, they kind of get repetitive and lose some of their “wow factor.” I think it’s hard too, cause when you read them to hold a mirror up to yourself, to hold yourself to account, it’s hard often to not feel like you’re failing terribly short on a daily basis. I’m a very flawed man and it’s so easy to be angry and sad these days, so, so easy. I gotta find ways not to. So I’m reading other things, like Epictetus and a Marcus Aurelius, Pema Chodron, Attar’s “Conference of the Birds,” on I can go. Authors and books that touch on the same subjects and themes, but from new perspectives to just try to keep things fresh and keep me motivated. Twitter sucks as a source for positive energy. I might just use my account to quote passages and throw them out into the world a bit, not really expecting people to see them though. I think this year’s MLB Playoff format gave the underdog teams an unintended edge, and I’m okay with that. I have more to say, maybe on my lunch.
Yeah. I see where you’re coming from. The frustration I feel with myself though, I think is very important to point out, doesn’t come from feeling guilty or shameful or sinful or anything like that. The frustration I feel, comes from both the knowledge that I can do more and be better, and the desire to do more and be better, and I’m just not living up to the vision of me that I have of myself. It’s because I’m not being told “I’m not good enough,” it’s because I’m being told “I have it on me to be amazing.” I think it’s coming from multiple directions too, like I’m in a spiritual slump almost to the point of having The Yips, to the being held back by a lot of fear and anxiety. I mean, I’ve lost count of the number of times I wanted to do something, only to talk myself out of it, and end up frustrated with myself the next day. It’s not fun.
I’m doing laundry today, a boatload of laundry, so I’m working my way through Seneca’s De Ira translated by James Romm and titled “How to Keep Your Cool.” It’s pretty okay, the translation is easy to read and understand without feeling dry, so credit to Romm for that, and Seneca has some worthwhile thoughts about anger and why our relationship with it is unhealthy. My wife used Post-It Notes to mark passages she finds interesting. Some books, I’m not joking, she’ll have one every few pages. There were some passages I already went through that made me think a bit, but I didn’t note them, so I’ll have to go back and find them later. First time reading Seneca though and he’s pretty alright. I told the wife we need more books of his. She agrees. So there’s that. I also have baseball going on in the background. An old game from earlier this year, if two teams I didn’t pay attention to, just to learn players I don’t know. And no, it’s not a Kansas City Game. As far as I’m aware, that team is actually a work of fiction.