Okay so I've now heard back from all four programs I've applied to. Final tally in order of response received is: Johns Hopkins MHS Epidemiology - Accepted Emory MPH Global Epidemiology - Accepted EuroPubHealth w/ Concentration in Epidemiology - Denied Georgetown MSc in Global Health - Accepted So now what am I gonna pick? Well that's a whole 'nother ballgame. No financial packages from any yet. Gotta decide by April 15. I've been put in touch through various means with people at every school so I might ask them about their thoughts on the programs. If I want to be William Foege in House on Fire what will serve me best? I think the answer is Emory due to CDC connections and just all the global health stuff going on in Atlanta, but Georgetown guarantees international experience with a 12-14 week field research study thing and it's not like DC won't have public health availability (much of HHS), and Johns Hopkins is Johns Hopkins and that's just in it's own world in public health. And while being in Emory of course gives me a leg up for CDC connections but doesn't guarantee anything. So it's going to be a fun month of research and pondering. Other pro/cons to consider is cost of living. Baltimore and Atlanta are both pretty cheap but DC is stupid expensive. In moving in with the parents at the end of this month I'll be able to do a lot of saving over the next few months before I leave so that'll be nice. Hopefully a hint less student loan debt. That's going to be a fun game too. I've been doing a bit of looking into being the head of a dorm since I was an RA as an undergrad. That should give a healthy stipend and a free place to live for two years, but I'd also hate my life for two years I hated being an RA I can't imagine I'd like that too much. Why is adulting so expensive? Lots of good news for me thus far into 2021, but a whole lot to think about and stress over too.
In a rather complicated series of inheritance shuffles, my brother took the family house and offered me to house-sit alone until his family joins in around Autumn. Cheaper per capita, more space, familiar place, has a piano and my nigh-unused drumset, gonna be populated with cool folks. I'm so in. I've been growing convinced my meds are that mary sue pill from Limitless. It took me nine days to consolidate loose notes from the last few months into a paper, stay on top of my classes like it's nobody's business, read more non-work books over the last month than in two years, fixed my schedule, and most of it happened mostly outside my perception. It's not all positive, but after the initial rough spot and some dosage tweaking, the good outweighs the bad so hard it's not even funny. Wasting all that time to it because of fear of weakness, personal ignorance, and perceived stigma... definitely makes me look stupid in hindsight. Greek is much harder than it should have been, mainly because (Polish) physicists say the letters wrong. Grammar ranges from "same as Polish" to "what even is that?!" and it helps that the teacher doesn't shy away from dumbing all the linguistic explanations down to our level, at least when prompted. I think a lot of people in the class are refreshingly grateful I proudly wear the dunce hat and ask about everything. The accents and inflections are killing me, though. Also, this mostly went under the radar:
I've not had the need for meds (yet) in my life, yet know many people who do, including my wife. The NEXT hardest part after getting a diagnosis, is getting the balance of meds right. The NEXT hardest part is remembering that it's the meds that make you OK, and the underlying condition has not been cured, so you shouldn't stop taking them. After my wife's sisters saw the success my wife had with meds, her mom and one of her sisters got diagnosed and started taking meds as well. But... her sister keeps going off her meds "because she feels fine now". Well. Duh. THE MEDS ARE WORKING. So she stops, becomes unstable again, gets irritated when people ask her if she's still on her meds or not, and eventually spirals into enough self-hate that she starts taking her meds again... and magically she's "all better". It's a miracle. Every time. People with chronic conditions are stigmatized in America. You are weak, and less, and should be culled from the herd for the good of the country. We learn that from fucking birth. It's a hard belief to shake when you have been indoctrinated with it from birth. My wife saw a cross-stitched pillow once (I think?) that said something like, "If you brain doesn't make the chemical, it's OK to use over-the-counter." She sees her meds like an ankle brace; if your ankle is weak, you use a brace. If your brain doesn't make enough of the right chemicals, it's OK to supplement them. No guilt. No weakness. Just a fact that every body is different.
I've been on various heart medications, with only short breaks from them, since turning five(?), so it's a different, long-internalized perspective. What stopped me from getting psychiatric help earlier is that congenital defects can't conceivably be my fault. Idea of being of shitty body and mind just demoralized me further, which is irrational on its own anyway. Thank you for saying all that. It helps me ground what's going on if it makes sense.
I don't know how he did it, but my grandmother's grandfather spoke Polish, Latin, Greek, German, and Lithuanian. So did pubski :(Also, this went mostly under the radar:
Did he live here? Cause if he did, this could explain some of it: Polish is almost a shortcut to many Slavic languages, especially if augmented with Russian. With only limited exposure, I can understand quite a bit in Czech, Slovak, Croatian, and Ukrainian. Latin and Greek were near-compulsory in Polish schools up until WWII, which lead to weird anecdotes like my grandfather hearing exitus acta probat before some hick tried to beat him up in what you'd call 'the boonies'. German... he could have been exposed to it, depends on where he lived. Lithuanian is a mystery, though, again, it'd depend on his location or travel.
My family history is a massive Eastern European disaster. He was probably raised in Lithuania but we're not super sure. Last names on that side are clearly Americanized versions of Eastern European names so it's essentially impossible to trace back with any efficacy.
I spent my birthday in the Smoky Mountains of Tennessee. It was pretty good. Lots of good hiking there. I don't think I'd like to live on a mountaintop however. It feels kinda like living in a suburb; you can't walk anywhere. I am squarely middle-aged, and I am having very middle-aged feelings and thoughts. I am not sure if time is on my side, I assume it is, but I have resources to do things that I didn't for most of my existence. What to do? I am taking measure of my priorities. Not looking to do anything drastic, just thinking about where and what I want to be in the next few years. I drove my RC car with my daughter and my brother and his two kids. It was a lot of fun. Then I drove in front of my brother's when he was headed for the ramp. New wheels are in the mail.
Three slots remain open for the rare opportunity to vanquish enemies and conquer Europe!