- On Mad Men, the conversation pit represents failure, which makes how much I love that specific one, and how it stands in for this kind of party to me, seem a bit nonsensical. But maybe my impulse toward it is the impulse so many of us have toward the wastefulness or bad taste observed in people wealthier than us: Oh, if only I had that, I’d use it right.
When I was in 2nd grade a divorcee moved in next door. He had a brand new Porsche 944. He was also a weekend dad, with a son a year older than me and two daughters. I played with them a lot, even got to go to Albuquerque a couple times in the back of that 944.
Divorcee moved out in maybe 5th, maybe 6th grade. He had all his stuff on the curb waiting for a truck and my father decided to pick it over, assuming it was for the dump or something. The neighbor confronted him on it the next day - and my father, rather than going "oh! I thought that stuff was garbage! Here it is!" swore right in front of me that he hadn't taken a thing. It was a formative moment.
His ex-wife moved into a palace with her new husband. I got to go there a couple times, it was too far to walk. Marvelous sweeping views of the mesas and canyon, outdoor pool, air raid shelter. His stepdad poured him a concrete track for his R/C F1. It was an extravagance.
They had a conversation pit.
It was all white, velour with shag. your eye level was just over the pool, looking out over the mesa. It was amazing. I thought my dirt-farming grandparents were the ultimate expression of wealth with their less-than-10-year-old car and acre of beans but no, here was true wealth. I probably didn't handle it well. We drifted apart.
Fast forward to junior year and we're hopping between three parties - the burnouts were setting fire to things in the canyon and drinking stolen schnapps. The jocks had broken into the skating rink - I got to drive the zamboni. And the drama club nerds, always en pointe, were having a sanctioned parents-in-the-basement house party. We started with the burnouts, then hit the skating rink, then the house party -
Same house.
It was awkward. I was invited because both the lady of the manor and her best friend were sweet on me. Neither were particularly attractive; it would be another six months before best friend - Caliban - left a dozen roses in my - Prospero's - dressing room on opening night, made even more awkward by the fact that no one told me I had a dressing room so I didn't even know until she pointed it out just before Act II.
But in that moment, all there was was a conversation pit, a view across the mesa, white velour, and a party full of nerds studiously sitting anywhere else.
I never even sat in that conversation pit. But it has absolutely been the unattainable infinity pool of my imagination for more than thirty years.
We have a couple that we have been "quaranteaming," with. They travel with us and come over for a bonfire every Saturday night, weather permitting. Recently, it dawned on me that my kids are experiencing a similar childhood to mine. In a good way. They consistently see adults sitting around a fire, a table etc. and discussing the topics of the day, while listening to music. When I was a kid I couldn't believe that the adults enjoyed just sitting and conversing. My son recently said, "all you guys do is talk." We don't have a conversation pit, we have a fire pit. That said, I followed the link the article gave to some instagram photos of 60's/70's living rooms. Some of those conversation pits have fire pits in them with a hood above them. That's dope. We are about to embark upon 9 week kitchen renovation. The result of which will be a new family hearth. I expect a lot of time to be spent in there, conversing.
It's very nice. It's one of the reasons NC winters are great. It gets a bit cold, but nothing a fire can't handle. Michigan is just way too cold for a bonfire at night in February. Beer, bonfire, music and other people = awesome.
I have gone to great lengths to ensure my child's childhood is nothing like my own. We had three COVID scares at the office last year. It's forced near-total isolation as we do everything in our power because daily the receptionist is having to argue with people to put on a mask. I had a conversation in the garage last Thursday. it was the first face-to-face contact in eight months. We ate at a restaurant two Fridays ago, after we'd both had at least one of our shots. Felt positively sinful. Mother-in-law goes for Shot 1 Tuesday. Maybe next week the kid will see her grandparents for the first time since October. They live less than a mile away.
You're doing a great job, KB. It can be difficult to break the cycle of providing bad childhoods. Mine wasn't perfect (who's is?) but there was a ton of good there and I'm focusing on replicating that. You're an incredibly smart person, there had to be SOME good there, right? Maybe? Re the restaurant, I can't even imagine what eating inside a restaurant would be like. A few weeks ago my wife and I ate outside at a restaurant patio. Masks on, and tables VERY spread out. It felt weird. But the strangest thing was that to get to the patio you had to walk through the packed interior of the restaurant. Those people just didn't give a damn... sitting at the bar, eating and drinking away. It looked so strange. It's amazing how quickly the old world seems strange. When I watch films with people hugging and shaking hands with relative strangers, it's appalling. I do miss it though. Dining in, sitting at a bar. I think the last time I was at a bar was with ecib and mk in Ann Arbor. I had been traveling for weeks and had a horrendous cough. I am now convinced I had COVID. This was late February 2020. I'm gonna take an antibody test this week. Glad you have been vaccinated. My wife just got her second dose. Once we have both been vaccinated, I will still be cautious, but I may MAY just sneak up to a bar and have a quick pint. Just cause. Who knows... maybe I'll even see you in 2021? That would be awesome.
Our quaranteam has been key to everyone's wellbeing over the last 12 months. Having a small trusted group to weather these things with has been essential. My favorite part of our new home is my ability to host these sorts of events that I know we all appreciate and draw so much energy from.
People are important. Once I get the vaccine I am looking forward to hosting an "all vaccinated" party in my backyard. Still outdoors, but with more than 2 other people at once. I miss entertaining people.