The whitish one took two days. The pinkish ones took two half-days total, and are pinkish because I ommitted a layer of white. they are a paint-by-number for a class I took online. Part of the fun was 3dprinting a buck to more efficiently form the cloisons. Cloisonne is actually hella fun, and is a trade largely practiced by perimenopausal women whose tastes do not align well with the median watch buyer. They have many skills, tips and tricks, and are one of the most welcoming communities I have ever been a part of. I am reminded, yet again, that women are generally better humans than men. This is a Kern 10/16. It eventually became the MMT, the machine that Kern made their reputation as one of the most, if not the most, accurate CNC machines in the world. Kern USA sold one recently for $65k or so; they were very cagey. I have reached final negotiations to buy one for about as much as a Tormach 440. The Tormach will theoretically hold 50 microns on a good day if the wind is right. The Kern will hold one. I am not in the habit of buying machine tools across an ocean so this has been an edgy and disconcerting process but should it go through I will have a machine capable of milling real materials to real tolerances for a little over double the price of a well-equipped Sherline. Four appointments later and it has been established that I am (A) without ground-glass occlusions (B) do not have an enlarged heart (C) have Pfizer round 1. My mother-in-law brought over sloppy joes yesterday and judged me harshly for getting a COVID shot in the next county over. After all, they signed up for a list and they will wait until their turn like good Lutherans or some shit and anyone who doesn't do that is a traitor to humanity. I asked my wife why the fuck I was being judged for getting a vaccine through proper channels at the express beseechment of the state Department of Health and was told "she judges everyone." We got a letter last week saying "yeah so thanks for supporting Medicaid patients, there's this money? And distributing it is a bitch? So we're going to toss some random amount in your account, be sure to spend it on, uhh, stuff you need." Poof. Twelve thousand dollars. I think that's the American pandemic response in a nutshell: "no, citizen, we can't cut you a two thousand dollar check! You might crash the economy! And besides, then we couldn't mail thousands of unneeded dollars to businesses!" Note that we didn't even apply for 2nd round PPP because we don't have a hope in hell of demonstrating any need. We didn't even have an option to turn this money down. Between unemployment and grants I made my family about three times as much money as I usually do working for a living. Corporations aren't just citizens in the US, they're VIPs. So our retirement plan rolls out tomorrow or the next day, but even with the largesse we're getting we still can't afford to give our people healthcare. It's so fucked. The press is full of stories about GameStop and /r/WallStreetBets because the WRONG people are getting rich. Let that sink in.
I've been (non-COVID) sick for about 5 or 6 days now. I think it's just the standard flu, been incredibly tired and out of it. Possibly returning to work tomorrow. I've been staying busy by fiddling with electronics some more. I got my 3D printer up and running again, and have been making some odd devices. Here's a prototype of an idea I've had knocking around for a few weeks - a solar powered synth, with a build-in piezo disc speaker, to use as a tool for measuring/interacting with sunlight. Right now, I'm really missing my old job teaching in the woods, and am really bummed out by my current school's very small concrete and astro-turf playground. There's no sense of change to it, it's exactly the same every time we visit. So I want to make some devices that kids can use to explore the changes in natural forces in some fun and unique ways, and this is the first idea I came up with. After I fine-tune this, I want to make some sort of wind harps. Still trying to think of a good rain-instrument (maybe a drum of some kind?). I have a ton of these little squares of wood left over from my wedding (I made coasters as party favors), and they happen to fit the solar panels I have beautifully, so I'm using them as my basic unit of measurement in designs. I think this box's design is a bit too deep, especially for little hands. There's two oscillator voices in this device - one is wired up to the output jack on the back, and is controlled by the knob (the sound is SUPER gnarly). The other one, wired to the built-in speaker, has a fixed frequency, but is only activated if you complete the circuit by touching both copper plates. It sounds like an angry bird to me, which I like. I might have the pitch mapped to an LDR in my next iteration. These are <$5 in materials, and take maybe 45 minutes to wire up. I'm going to send some to musical friends to play around with. I also made an Electromagnetic Mic out of an old solenoid I had lying around - here's me playing my hair clippers like a didgeridoo: EDIT: Just made another sunbox. 4 voices, always playing, pitch controlled by LDRs. I call it the "very angry box" for reasons which I think will be clear upon listening. Might re-make this with different capacitors, wonder if I can make it actually melodic in some way.
Life is weird, part... holy hell, I dunno. Work I'm doing less work than I have ever done in my life, and the work I do is more effective and more appreciated than almost ever before (at least at this company). I don't think those two things are causally related; what has happened is that I have a great manager who has found a way to bring me in at crucial moments on big projects, I give them a little flourish, and get a buncha credit for my contribution. I diminish my contribution (in my head) because I'm good at it, and it is generally 'easy' for me. But the value I bring to the overall projects is undeniable. It's just weird to have work not occupying 130% of my brain, soul, and energy... and still providing excellent value. For much of my life my identity was inseparable from my job. It's refreshing to have a life outside of work, and for my work and personal life to never cross paths. Music The songwriting class I have been doing the whole month of January has now resulted in me writing, recording, mixing, and mastering two whole songs from scratch. The third is the project this week, and it is writing and singing a lyrics-based song. Everything else has been more along the lines of modern music producing, using samples, drum machines, synths, etc., to create "modern style" music. Most of my classmates submissions fit comfortably into any of the various "electronic music" categories. So my song is gong to be punk/rock, guitar driven, with a Tom Waits-meets-Les Claypool kind of vocal style, I am thinking. It will also be from a distinctly mid-life perspective (I'm expecting there to be a huge rise in new punk bands where every member is over 50 years old), complaining about the various midlife issues. (The Tom Waits grumpy/gravelly thing, and the Les Claypool goofball think makes more sense now, doesn't it?) But I have to sing. A melody line. That doesn't just follow the guitar. That has me worried a bit... Life The neighbors recovered from COVID. My parents and sister got vaccinated. My vaccination appointment was cancelled by the State because... well, they don't have enough vaccine or appointments available, despite my eligibility. My wife's parents are on the decline, and not coping well with it. It is very hard to be so far away and unable to help them out. Mom would be best in a senior care center now, but they aren't taking anyone new (See COVID above) and even if she got it, she'd basically have to be confined to her room (See COVID), which wouldn't suit her at all. Dad's grumpy as fuck and kinda in a "burn it all down" mood all the time. Which is hard for us to see, and hard for his wife to live with him. My Dad has reached the stage in life where most of his friends have passed, and his mental capacity is diminishing. He tends to find something "bad" or "negative" in the world and obsess on it. So we try to feed him good stories as much as possible... but his only living relative is a gunsmith in bumfuck Alabama who does nothing but forward emails all day... so you can imagine the "information" my dad gets from him... Life, man. It has it's ... ways.
Some inspiration from some 50+ year old former punk rockers that are still making amazing music: Enjoy the songwriting journey!
I must have used the phrase "I'm not sure if I just noticed X or if it's new," with X ranging from memory lapses to bursts of irrational anxiety, tens of times in the last six months. Now, after two weeks of taking it easy, doing what the psychiatrist said, and generally letting my medicated mind wander, the feeling became constant. While in general not unpleasant or upsetting, it's almost like being alienated by myself. There's been an improvement in energy and motivation, though, which gives me that extra kick to deal with everything around me. I hope it's not a temporary change. Not sure what to do overall. I cleared my reading list from redundant, "what made me think this is interesting again?" entries and reorganized most things around me. Gonna spend this next month catching up on reading, TAing, and updating my research journal. Other than that, I'm kinda lost.
This is gonna sound trite, but ... focus on the good. Dive into that. "... an improvement in energy and motivation..." is an opportunity to do just about anything. Start running. Hone a craft. Grab on to that positive motion and do something with it. Thinking about what you have "lost" or have been "losing" over the past six months is mostly FOMO, and if you fill your time up with your newfound energy and motivation, there won't be time/focus to dwell on the past. I wish the best for you.
Maybe FOMO isn't the right way to say it... but we forget things every day, and it doesn't cause us stress. When you said you were having memory lapses, I read into that, "I am forgetting stuff, and that's bad, and I'm beating myself up about it"... which admittedly might be the wrong interpretation, but I thought a "hey, it's ok to forget stuff. let it go. don't be worried on what you are missing out on in the past... focus on the positivity of the future..." So maybe an inspirational speaker isn't a career choice I should pursue.. :-D
So, everyone has memory blind spots or it's normal they don't recall certain things. Sometimes it's distorted or filled-in. Sometimes it ends up chopped so much you remember events but not their order. It's all normal, and the sooner one realises how unreliable memory can be, the better. It goes well along with my all-time favorite proverb "nobody is as smart as they believe, or as dumb as others judge." Similar thing with long-term low mood/low eneregy. Everyone's tired. But, I couldn't finish anything and for the first time I remember it was too much work to stand up after defeat. I didn't see it like that at the time, of course. So, I could reluctantly deal with not recalling a tilte of a book or not being sure who was saying what. Shortly before Christmass, however, one situation legimitely terrified me. I remember standing in front of the door, key at hand, suddenly uncertain if I'm returning or leaving. Looked down, boots were covered in fresh mud, deduced I'm coming back. Then the 'whys' and 'wheres' came back. Nothing like that has ever happened to me, and I had better continuity of events while completely wasted.It didn't take long from there to end with a psychiatrist. As to inspirational speaking, I always admired your way with words. There's bound to be loss in translation on top of communicating in text though. Not that you didn't know, I'm just acknowledging it mutually to avoid Two Generals' Problem on top of that. :D
I'm several weeks into an SSRI fog, so I sympathize on many levels. Personally I'm pursing the wellness that can be found in routine. Eating regularly, trying to get to sleep before 1 am. Pulling for you, you're too bright a spark to be allowed to just fall away into darkness.
Had a strange experience today, where i had to do a job interview in front of a bunch of my friends. Strange because I probably have gone through 4-5 interviews in my whole life. And it's weird to be be talking to my buddies in this formal corporate speak about where i see myself in 10 years. But hopefully it's not for nothing, it's a project i'd like to be involved in and the formalities of a board is necessary. Recent events have added a layer a complexity in my relationship with my potential future boss, but I'm confident it's no big deal. It just means we need to have a conversation - and having adult conversations about ambiguous things is part of my yearly theme of maturity. It's a good year I think for me to "grow up" in all the right ways, and none of the bad ways. Turn the page on immature patterns, accept more responsibility. I was sad about getting older earlier, because I felt I was leaving behind a lot of my old thoughts, wants, world views and ambitions. But the opportunity of embracing new things is here :)
My grandson has trained my wife well. When he doesn't want to go to bed, he quietly knocks on our door and comes in, looks up to the shelf with M&Ms on it and signs/says "please". She of course melts and will dole them out one by one while he counts. Yes he uses his manners and yes he is practicing counting, but he has had those two skills down for a year. He has trained me to chase him around the house, which is probably for the best since I need to exercise. Started off the whole COVID-19 lock-down experience losing 15 pounds then put it all back on with a little extra. I am looking forward to the spring and mountain biking again. No I don't ride in the winter; falling on my ass when it is freezing out is just not something I care to do as I get older. The puppy got into a bag of pellets (fuel) and made a mess at one o'clock this morning. But at least she is potty trained now. I need to get off my lazy tail and take her for walks so that she is tired at night. Just playing fetch isn't enough for her energy levels. The older dog would probably appreciate the break from her incessant antics trying to get him to play. He has lost weight with the constant activity. Our youngest child starts hybrid schooling at the beginning of February. I wish I could get her vaccinated before then, but it doesn't look like kids will be able to get the vaccine for a few more months. Although from the news it appears our state is doing better than most in distributing the vaccine. When I was approved earlier this month, I was able to get it the same day. When my wife was approved a week later, she was also able to get it same day. We are both scheduled for the follow-up shot next week. My mother down south can't get in until mid-April. My mother-in-law up north hasn't been put on a list yet. Started listening to audio book version of Jonathan Steakley's Armor. I read the book as a kid and loved it. Not too thrilled with the narrator. Sometimes it is like he is trying too hard. That is one thing that frustrates me with audio books. Some narrators just don't fit the feel of a book. I really miss having a commute so that I can listen to audio books and podcasts. Not to mention the three hour drives north or twelve hour drive south to visit family. I never realized just how much I consumed. At this point I am a few hundred hours behind in my listening. Just plopping myself into a chair to listen doesn't work. There is too much activity in the house. At least in the summer I was able to listen while mowing the lawn, but still have a few months to go before the next mowing. I've tried listening when I go to bed, but either I get sucked in and never fall asleep or I do fall asleep and have to play the rewind game trying to find where I left off. As always, life is good, even when it is not.
I have a lot of things going on atm. But I am still squeezing in moments to work on my custom RC car: And a new painting: I'll make a full continuation post of the RC project. This painting is probably going to be pretty fantastic. My cousin is making me a frame for a large painting, and in exchange, I am painting him a fantasy landscape. I'm thinking waterfalls, something like Rivendell.
