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So my cat is dead now. It fucking sucks but that is what you sign up for. You love a pet an incredible amount and then it dies. I think that there is something beautiful in the fact that even now when it hurts so much that she is gone the pain of losing her is a price worth paying for having had her. I'm relieved it wasn't a preventable accident, I'm relieved we did everything we could for her and I am at peace knowing we didn't put her through any unnecessary suffering. I've never been this sad before though, I've been deeply depressed and I have definitely felt worse, but never this sad. I know that I will be okay and happy in the future, but life now is in a real sense worse in a way that can't ever be fixed.