Do you think that you're doomed to a life of constantly being unsatisfied if you don't agree with many of the distinct qualities of your culture?
I've recently been reading articles and listening to podcasts that, either directly or through summarizing the works of others, critique capitalism and modern Western culture as a whole. As someone who has been living abroad now for a few years, I've had enough space to view my culture from the outside and a lot of the things that I've felt but couldn't articulate have been expressed really well through these materials. I wouldn't say that I've bought wholesale into the "capitalism is the antichrist" mantra either but I find a lot of the critiques from a sociopolitical perspective to be quite poignant. Now I've barely scratched the surface when it comes to these topics but I haven't been able to reconcile the issue I alluded to in my original question.
So much of participating in a society is understanding its culture. The way people get the news, whether colleagues get a beer after work, what they do in their free time, how people date, etc. Some of the critiques I've read of American culture for instance, posit that most people nowadays will work their 40 hour job, come home each day exhausted and look for something to do that's low effort so they can wind down. Nothing wrong with that of course as it's arguable how much of that 40 hours we're even productive. So you'll come home and see what's new on Netflix or tune into your local news and then maybe watch some random TV until it's time to sleep and start the cycle over again. The point being that to participate in society, you typically need a job so you can feed and clothe yourself while also having some kind of shelter. This requirement tends to leave you in a state where you're too exhausted to do most of the stuff you'd ordinarily want to do if you had more free time and energy. The weekend comes and you might get your slice of freedom and then it's back to the grind. Most people won't find much fulfillment in this cycle but it's the only thing they know. And at least in the US, you're told that that's "just how life is". Welcome to adulthood. But this usually comes from people who also only know this way of life. It's like this protestant, capitalistic guilt-trip that everyone has to go through.
I know that at this point, this might be coming off as an angsty teen revelation. "Society is the problem man!". But I'm not suggesting that we all go live in a commune and forego possessions. Some alternatives are already being discussed: UBI, reducing work hours in general, etc. One problem that capitalism has, or at least the oligolopy that exists in the US has, is that its primary goal is profit and tangentially, in my opinion, technological advancement. If we were all willing to collectively say: "Look, all of these technological advancements we have are great but I would be fine if things progressed slower", it would actually make sense to work less. Because with the current state of technology, we don't need to work as much as we do to have the things we actually need. Need being the key word here. Not want. But capitalism thrives on consumption so people are constantly told either directly or indirectly that they need X, Y, or Z to feel fulfilled. You hate your job? A bet a nice cold beer would take your mind off things. Are you tired after a long day? Take these pills. You get worn down from the entire system and then the system tells you to consume to feel less shitty again. And the cycle repeats.
So say you want out of that. As an individual, this is doable. You could reduce the amount of social media you consume. Spend more time focusing on things you actually want to do. Stop buying so many pointless things so you don't need to work as much. I mean people make entire careers of telling you how to do this so I won't waste your time here. You get the idea. But even though this is something that you as an individual can accomplish, you'll frequently clash with what this culture expects of you. You have few possessions, live in a small apartment, buy things secondhand, and don't have Netflix? Most people can't really relate to that. Or you can be the quirky one in the your group of friends. You don't use social media much so if events are organized solely through Facebook, I guess you'll miss out on those. You'll still stick to your principles and accept that you'll miss out on certain things.
But this can definitely become an issue if you get into a relationship with someone who doesn't share those values. And the odds of that being the case when your options are people from that same cultural sphere are pretty high. And it changes even more if you decide to have kids in that society. Your partner could meet you halfway and you guys get along fine but your child won't even have the cognitive capacity to understand why you live the way you do for a long, long time. Why don't they get all the new stuff like their friends? Your life just becomes this constant struggle. This scenario maybe sounds a bit hyperbolic but it doesn't sound unrealistic to me. So I'm left thinking what I asked at the beginning: Will I live an unsatisfying life by basically fighting against core tenants of the society I live in?
It sounds like you are worried that by changing your lifestyle to match your values, you will ostracize yourself. In my experience, the opposite is true. Once you start to focus on things you really care about and/or or proud of, you will meet new people who share some of your values and enrich your life in ways you won't be able to predict. I could give lots of specific examples from my own experience, but to keep it short: I am currently living out many of the examples you listed out and many others. They all made my life better, and the communities I am a part of now because of those changes are amazing. "Better" and "amazing", but not perfect. Nothing is perfect, but you can find/make a life style that makes it feel like putting up with the imperfections is worth it. (I'm echoing this advice from another reply here in this paragraph because the advice is really solid.)
Pretty broad post, it's hard to write a response without resorting to clichés and generalisations, so I'm just trying to relate it to my personal experience. To the title question; I would say yes, but what can you do about it? Any thinking person is going to have some gripes about their society, that can't be avoided. However, if your gripes are fundamental, you could consider moving somewhere else. You say you've lived abroad, I guess you want to stay in the US because of family? Obviously no country is perfect, there is no hidden utopia out there, but a lot of countries are quite different from the US. The US might improve over time, but there are no guarantees, and it would take a long time. Personally I would never live there, far too right wing for my taste. The way I see it you have two options: 1. Find somewhere else to live. 2. Learn to accept the faults of your country, and find a way to live within it. Capitalism is everywhere, I don't know of any countries that aren't part of the system (North Korea?). However, the way in which it manifests changes. My impression is that the US has a particularly extreme interpretation of it, focused on companies' rights rather than employees', and seemingly always emphasising business over nearly any other concern, such as environmentalism or the prosperity of working people. This does not apply everywhere. I would say most (all?) European countries are to the left of the US political centre, at least economically. To illustrate, let me give an example. I used to work for Toshiba, and one of the top executives from the US part of my division came to visit (in the UK) and do a presentation. He said something I will never forget. The company was going through some financial strife, and to reassure us, he said "Actually, the company is prioritising protecting jobs." It wasn't the words that surprised me. It was how he said it. He was almost laughing, incredulous, as if the very notion was absurd. Toshiba is a Japanese company, obviously, and in Japan corporations feel social responsibility, and will try to avoid mass firings (this could also be due to regulatory standards, not sure). Similarly, in most European countries, there are regulations protecting employees from being fired for no reason, or without being given any reasonable notice. Not so in the US. When multi-national corporations need to downsize, they fire their US staff first, because it's easy, then later they move on to staff in other countries, where the process is more regulated. On the other hand, I have begun to get the impression that a huge number Americans live off government money, such as disability (whether or not they really are disabled), so I guess nothing is as clear cut as one might think. I don't know how unemployment benefits work in the US, but when I was unemployed in the UK some years ago, I was getting £70 per week, enough to pay HALF of my rent (due to some circumstances I will not go into here, I was not given the rent support I would normally have been entitled to for up to 3 months). To be fair, the UK is one of the most right wing countries in Europe. In short, not every country is the same. Personally I am leaving the UK, to move back to Norway. This place is just too right wing for me. What about acceptance? I guess I'm not the best person to comment, I'm fucking off to Norway because I can't accept this place, but I have a few things to add. First of all, not every job is equally soul sucking. If you can find a job that you find tolerable (I think there are limits to how enjoyable a job can really be), that will be a lot easier on your mental health. For example I'm a lot happier since I left Toshiba, I used to get daily stress headaches, and I don't any more. If you can find a town/city that you like, that helps a lot as well. I have found that I'm much happier where I live now than where I was a couple of years ago, because it suits my personality more. My advice would be to try different things every few years, and see what you like. There are many kinds of places, jobs, and people out there. Be true to yourself, but don't be inflexible. You will have an easier time doing things that feel natural to you, but there is NOWHERE, NOTHING and NO-ONE which will ever suit you 100%. Don't seek perfection, seek perspective.