I've been really enjoying reading more lately. I noticed my time at the computer strongly correlates to unhappiness (not sure which way the causal relationship goes, possibly both). In non-pandemic times, seeing friends have been my go to. It's often hard for me to motivate myself to do something without a little external push. But reading has been the easiest way i've found lately to get out of a computer refresh loop. It's just super low effort but also quite rewarding in the end.

It's stupid, but a small setback today has really fucked up my day. I've been giving lots of energy and time to a specific project. Including a video shoot this weekend that was technically against the newly instated Covid-stafety rules (self-imposed by the project, not by the government, the shoot was done as safely as possible). Our team had a way smaller 2h video shoot planned in the same space next week, but I decided to do the right thing and clear it with the board first. And got a unanimous decline, by the same people that had no issues being interviewed for a video, just 2 days ago. Because "rules". After spending 20ish hours helping them on their thing, but not having that same goodwill extended to us, i'm hurt and pissed off. I know i should not expect anything in return for the time I give, or expect any special treatment. But I've also felt unappreciated in a lot of my work lately, and this was just an extra thing that cements this thought. I really need to re-think things because this is not a healthy outlook, and I know it.

It's a really small thing - not being able to have our video shoot at that location is not even that big of a deal, since we have a marginally less cool office space available to use. And that shoot was not of major importance. I'm actually quite surprised how much this has affected me today. I haven't been this emotionally impacted in a long while, and i'm struggling to make sense of it. I feel a pettiness rising in me, i hate it. Because I know for a fact a lot of these people are going though some tough times. I need to get over this thing to not affect the political climate, or snap at people needlessly, but I also can't stop tearing up when I think of this for some reason. I'm annoyed and frustrated with my friends and myself, maybe a good night's sleep is going to help.

Sorry for the rant about stupid shit and small problems, I was thinking maybe some word vomit on a semi-anonymous place is a goodplace for my frustrations. But I also feel guilty adding negativity in the Pubski,when we can all use some good vibes.