Right now, my main job is I conduct risk assessments at the bank for a living.

I’m the kind of maliciously compliant that, from the get go with risk assessments, I wondered if you could just do one — go through the exercise — and at the end of it smile, and ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ , and say, “well look ma. No risks!”

It’s funny, it’s also partially because I didn’t trust the business to be putting forth an honest effort to do anything except try to avoid and lower their documented risks. My testing experience with the LOB made me feel they would make any argument to avoid taking accountability for potential harm.

Well over the past year and a half I have mostly learned that businesses actually generally feel very passionately about their risks, they don’t tend to change year to year, when I bring them up the LOB generally is already familiar with exactly why this risk was documented in the first place — begrudgingly, I have to admit. They know their risks. They are clued in on them.

18 months in and I finally found another sort.

I’ve got a LOB now that has spent 5 hours doing the work all others do in one. Today was our final chapter in completing just one section, just the first part, of the risk assessment. they have a Friday deadline they refuse to push and I have 5 more hours set up with them between now and then because they are so behind. And today, after our final INTRODUCTION section meeting, when I was working on my action items, I realized something.

Something I’d always wanted to see happen/try myself, but knew would never fly. Something I suspected all LOBs wanted to do — thought was a valid outcome.

This business just spent 5 hours removing all the risks they selected as in scope last year. So now they have no risks.

You know, I never would’ve predicted this morning that we would have another meeting and the business somehow would actually still manage to move further behind.

I am not mad so much as running this ship and not taking their bidnis. And like, profoundly amused that this is actually happening.

But not on my watch, buddy. This LOB is not gong to get an issue opened up against me for going over time. I am throwing a flag on this shit as soon as they miss fridays impossible deadline — impossible because they are making it confoundingly impossible!!

Wish me luck this week, it’s gonna be a long one.

Anyway I just missed having someone to talk to who actually got it. That’s the nice thing about work you can vent and people understand what you’re talking about and they’re right there.

I slacked a pal for a bit instead but it ain’t the same. Most days, that’s ok.

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