The Past i don't remember most of my life. december 2017 ~ january 2018 is when i start remembering things better - everything before that is blurry or gone other than scattered little bits, which makes it easy to summarize i don't remember anything before 2012 other than being a little kid or being sad in 2013 and 2014 i went online, participated in and learned about the outside world, and got scared i would never leave my parents otherwise, so i crammed everything i wasn't taught before and started high school in 2015 i lost about 30-40 pounds before realizing that i hated how i looked because male wasn't right for me in 2016 i kinda became a stalker, things really went to shit; in 2017 i went to 3 therapists and had a breakdown that was impressive enough for my parents to believe that i actually needed help and wasn't just a lazy piece of shit therefore 2018, the year i start antidepressants and medically transitioning, make my first real-world friends, move out to university, begin (and end) real relationships w/ people, have enough time between the crazy to be a human being - that's the year my life really started, i feel like. so i'm okay with everything before that slipping away from me, because i have no reason to remember much in the first place. 2018 was my first normal year, and 2019 was my second, and lots of things happened in them, and they were wonderful The Present and Future heck of a lot more fun, let's talk about the next decade in 2020 my biggest goal is living openly as the right gender - i'm not sure i'll ever be ready, but at this point i think i'm strong enough to take whatever happens. to that end, i'm changing my name, dressing in things that don't hide my body (AKA not just hoodies and pajamas), and the scariest thing is asking people to call me she, but i'm gonna do that too. two other big goals: finally getting a driver's license and getting an internship with a translation company some small things: i got my ears pierced this spring and i think once winter break ends in a week i'm going to get a septum piercing and shave my hair down short i have a boyfriend again - we exchanged "i love you"'s about 2 months into meeting each other, and i'm okay with not secondguessing things - no more rejecting honest emotion, right? i'm 20 years old with no life experience and i'm in love, and however long that lasts i'm going to enjoy it; i was chatting to galen about him a while ago so as a fellow tiny child he can vouch for me i'm on the hunt for a new job which will ideally not involve terrible management so wish me luck i've been reading the new testament for the last week or so and studying the early history of christianity - it's interesting, and somehow it's helping me get my thoughts and emotions organized. i'll let you know whether or not i find god anyway i'm done rambling: cheers for a better decade everybody regards, katherine