I'd like to thank everyone who reached out to me or spared a thought in passing. It means a lot, and I'm grateful to know so many wonderful people. It's been a difficult month. Dealing with the death of someone close is never easy, but the hole after my father's passing is something I can't seem to get through. He was only sixty. We weren't on good terms, but at least there was always some minuscule potential for improvement. To this day I receive condolences from his more distant friends, acquaintances, collaborators, coworkers etc. There's a degree of dissonance between what they say about him and my own memory, but I suppose it's normal. I dialled his number from memory one time, and it took me a few moments to realise what I just did. I know that I'm not over it, but life has to go onwards. In that way, I'm still not completely over the fact I had two brothers, even though it's been fourteen years. They aren't here, and I know it on an intellectual level, but I sometimes stop to think about what they might be doing now. Despite my manner of writing, I'm not nearly as much of a mess as this post. And there's good news too. First, very late this Monday, I became an uncle, and to a first girl born in our direct line in at least four generations. It was premature birth, but she's as good and healthy as a 7th-month delivery could possibly be. Second, I got into my first choice PhD programme and already went through orientation, TAship stuff etc. Whatever comes next, I'll at least be busy.
Thanks for coming in and sharing. If you consider this post a mess, then I'm impressed with your messes. The adage of 'seeing grief more like waves that come and go, rather than a hill to pass over.' has been useful for me looking back (and forward). Congrats on becoming an uncle! Exciting times. I'll be joining you in November - unless its a surprise set of fraternal twins, we're in a similar all-boy trend. Good luck with the PhD program.