I stumbled on Giving What We Can a week ago, and since then I've been thinking about giving much more on a regular basis to charity. Looked up a bunch of charities that strive for things I care about a lot, such as global warming and animal welfare. Found out which ones are well regarded and ended up with a few good ones. Last weekend though, the gf and I visited my parents for Easter. It had been a while since I'd last seen them, and while we had a wonderful weekend, it was also pretty clear that they're not in a good place. My dad finally got something of a stable job - something he hadn't had since 2008 - but fell really badly and broke his shoulder in the first week. They got a pretty hefty bill from the energy company, which had promised the bill wouldn't be big. And there's a bunch of other stuff they're dealing with - enough that they're losing sleep over it. So instead of helping charities, I decided to help them out instead. And despite my best efforts, there's this veneer of guilt and empathy and sadness around all of this - I feel bad for not doing more, for not helping more, for choosing what's near over what's far away. For doing more than fine myself. I don't know what's best, don't know if I can know. At least I can try.
For several years now, I have auto-deposited a couple hundred dollars a month into my parents bank account. It eases things a bit for them, and they are proud that their son can do this. The guilt you feel is your own. You do it to yourself. Choose love, and that a perfectly valid expression of that love is sharing your bounty with your parents. All you need to do is give it with the right intention. That's where your part ends. "I love you, and want you to have this." No judgment. No expectations for what it will be used for. No strings attached. Being a provider for your parents in any capacity is a powerful thing, and - I feel - an important part of "growing up".
You doing better than your parents and turning around and helping them sounds like the basic parental goal going back to cave paintings. Whatever guilt you're managing to mine there, leave it in the goddamn ground - you got to where you are in no small part because of the sacrifices they made to you and at some point in the future those will be your children's grandparents and when they ask why Oma and Opa have it so rough you don't wanna say "because I gave money to Greenpeace."