. . . that's completely tangible when I'm making something. There's a final product that cannot lie. Every flaw showing where I messed up, every detail highlighting where I've done right, both stand out as encouragement to keep going. It's why I've fallen absolutely head over heels with bookbinding.

My first ever book was an absolute disaster. I knew it was a mess before I was even close to finishing it. But I kept going knowing that if I gave up before I really tried, I might never try again, a bad habit of mine. The end result was a horrid mess, something I hated at first, assigning shame and embarrassment to it. I still have it though, and now I know that if I have my way, I'll treasure it always because it reminds me of where I first started. It's ugly but it's mine.

My next ten books were all flawed in their own ways, but each one I made, I learned a little more. How to use my tools better, how to manipulate the materials better, building familiarity and comfort with the task of making something from so many pieces.

The twenty after that, kept my mind up at night as I thought about solutions to problems I was still coming across, as I read about materials and techniques and learned more and more the hows and whys of what I was doing. I developed preferences and built a comfort zone and established a baseline.

The next twenty or so books after that were practice in rote memorization. Improving by doing but still continuing to search for ways to improve.

Yesterday I set out to build a book just to build a book. I made a mistake from the very get go, getting too sure of myself, measuring once, cutting once, only to discover I measured wrong. I made the concious decision to stop, put everything away, clean up, and enjoy the rest of fhe day with the wife. Lunch, shopping, together time on the couch in front of the television.

I bought fabric yesterday, because it's time I learn something new, how to make my own bookcloth. Sometimes a mistake is just a mistake, but sometimes, a mistake is a sign that I'm too comfortable, that it's time to learn something new to keep the mind going. There's some pretty amazing books out there, I want mine to be among them someday.