Um, well.

I feel you, not in the most exact sense, but this all feels familiar. Here are some mantras that help me get through all the soul-sucking bullshit:

We get to come to work. (I read this in an article that I almost shared here recently but didn't, sorry, and also I have a coworker whom I love dearly who tells me this when I am ready to hide under my desk.)

Laugh or cry, you choose.

"When jarred unavoidably by circumstance, revert at once to yourself, and don't lose the rhythm more than you can help. You'll have a better grasp of the harmony if you keep on going back to it." -Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 6.11

'In all that happens, keep before your eyes those who experienced it before you, and felt shock and outrage and resentment at it.

And now where are they? Nowhere.

Is that what you want to be like? Instead of avoiding all these distracting assaults - leaving the alarms and flight to others - and concentrating on what you can do with it all?

Because you can use it, treat it as raw material. Just pay attention, and resolve to live up to your own expectations. In everything. And when faced with a choice, remember: our business is with things that really matter." - Marcus Aurelius, Meditations, 7.58 (this is the one I am trying to keep in the forefront of my mind with regards to my work. In fact, I think I am going to put this on a post-it note and stick it under my keyboard. Folks are leaving where I work like rats jumping off a sinking ship and some days I want to go too, but I don't think I have anything marketable outside of where I am, so I am trying to concentrate on what I can do with what I have, where I am, without resentment, outrage. I got past being shocked at the things people think (or perhaps don't) to do a long time ago.

Anyway, best of luck to you, just do what you can do my friend and know that I am rooting for you!