And I want to play hide-and-seek

and give you my clothes

and tell you I like your shoes

and sit on the steps while you take a bath

and massage your neck and kiss your feet and hold your hand

and go for a meal and not mind when you eat my food

and meet you at Rudy’s and talk about the day

and type your letters and carry your boxes

and laugh at your paranoia

and give you tapes you don’t listen to

and watch great films and watch terrible films

and complain about the radio

and take pictures of you when you’re sleeping

and get up to fetch you coffee and bagels and Danish and go to Florent and drink coffee at midnight

and have you steal my cigarettes and never be able to find a match

and tell you about the the programme I saw the night before

and take you to the eye hospital

and not laugh at your jokes

and want you in the morning but let you sleep for a while

and kiss your back and stroke your skin

and tell you how much I love your hair your eyes your lips your neck your breasts your arse your

and sit on the steps smoking till your neighbour comes home

and sit on the steps smoking till you come home

and worry when you’re late

and be amazed when you’re early

and give you sunflowers

and go to your party and dance till I’m black

and be sorry when I’m wrong

and happy when you forgive me

and look at your photos

and wish I’d known you forever

and hear your voice in my ear and feel your skin on my skin

and get scared when you’re angry

and your eye has gone red and the other eye blue

and your hair to the left and your face oriental

and tell you you’re gorgeous and hug you when you’re anxious

and hold you when you hurt

and want you when I smell you

and offend you when I touch you and whimper

when I’m next to you and whimper

when I’m not and dribble on your breast and smother you in the night and get cold

when you take the blanket and hot when you don’t and melt

when you smile and dissolve

when you laugh

and not understand why you think I’m rejecting you when I’m not rejecting you

and wonder how you could think I’d ever reject you

and wonder who you are but accept you anyway

and tell you about the tree angel enchanted forest boy who flew across the ocean because he loved you

and write poems for you and wonder why you don’t believe me

and have a feeling so deep I can’t find words for it

and want to buy you a kitten I’d get jealous of because it would get more attention than me

and keep you in bed when you have to go

and cry like a baby when you finally do

and get rid of the roaches

and buy you presents you don’t want

and take them away again

and ask you to marry me

and you say no again

but keep on asking

because though you think I don’t mean it

I do always have from the first time I asked you

and wander the city thinking it’s empty without you

and want what you want

and think I’m losing myself but know I’m safe with you

and tell you the worst of me

and try to give you the best of me

because you don’t deserve any less

and answer your questions when I’d rather not

and tell you the truth when I really don’t want to

and try to be honest because I know you prefer it

and think it’s all over but hang on in for just ten more minutes before you throw me out of your life

and forget who I am

and try to get closer to you because it’s a beautiful learning to know you

and well worth the effort and speak German to you badly and Hebrew to you worse

and make love with you at three in the morning

and somehow

somehow

somehow

communicate some of the overwhelming

undying

overpowering

unconditional

all-encompassing

heart-enriching

mind-expanding

on-going

never-ending

love

I have for you.

Sarah Kane, Crave