Upvoted even though it's the archetypal "Here's a huge problem and a tiny solution, you guilty shithead!" article. I mean, really: Literally, "rezone your property." Which would require you to move off of it. And incur county council meetings at a minimum. I hate lawns. Yet I have three. I fertilize them once a year, mow them with a push mower, and practice mechanical weed control. And I continue to have three lawns because there are no practical alternatives to lawns. Xeriscape? Eat a fucking dick. I don't want rows of cacti and sandstone, I moved the fuck out of the desert with a passion and I ain't never going back. Raised beds? Great. I just replaced my lawn with intensive agriculture. That's not an improvement, it's a lateral move (and yes, I also have raised beds). Native plantings? Around here that means giant tall trees that interfere with the power lines out front, and underneath a bunch of bare-ass dirt that ends up colonized by invasive species like blackberry and ivy. I paid fuckin' $12 for one (1) native Trillium last week and you want me to replace my lawn with "native plantings?" Have you priced that shit? A single Oregon Grape is $20! I get the frustration. I do. I've spent days and days trying to find something to replace all that shit I have to mow. But your best bet is to try and establish sedums at $60/sf and then tell your kid not to run in the yard because each time she puts her foot down it's costing you $5. And that's why we all still have lawns. Because the lawn has been there since Charlemagne and unless you want to be surrounded by forests or row crops, it's about the only choice.Certify it through your local Department of Natural Resources branch as wildlife habitat. Get a property tax exemption.
If you want empty space for the occasional outdoor party, I agree you don’t have many other options. On the other hand, if you want something nice to look at but still fairly low maintenance and cheap, I’d go for a meadow from seeds. Using seeds keeps the costs down a lot and you can put together your own mix by ordering online. After sowing you’re gonna have to do some weeding at the start of the season, but then the canopy will close up. At the end of the season (or depending on your species selection) you get to mow it down with a scythe! It’s more work than a lawn, will not always look pristine and may not be as useful, but it’s probably better for your local ecosystem. James Hitchmough, they guy who designed the flower meadows for the London Olympics, has written a pretty good book on the topic.
At my old house, my wife and I let back half of the yard go fallow. It was great for saving time mowing and it actually added some charm. We don't have children though, so I get that's not a solution for everyone. We eventually moved to a house with 6 sq ft of lawn. It's absolutely glorious. :)
No watering here. I've fertilized our yard every year by mulching up the leaves that fall each Michigan autumn and then overseed with ten pounds of drought tolerant grass seed. The grass seed alone chokes out about 90% of all weeds as it comes up in the spring and the grass (Michigan summers help) stays green-ish much of the year. What else can we do? The kids need a place that will not harbor deer ticks and Lyme's disease. I'm not into having rodent habitat butting up to my home. Anyone have any experience with rotary push mower? I imagine that there's a good reason that they've not had a resurgence in popularity since the 1920's. It would be cool to keep the yard maintained without gasoline and noise.
I totally agree.. I like how you mentioned, "How can we unfuck lawns?" lol.. It drives me crazy watching my neighbor poison the crap out of his lawn every other day every time he sees a dandelion. I do cut my grass, but I don't spray any chemicals. I also don't touch my back yard.. It's like a jungle and very eco friendly lol.