I am with someone who is a kind, patient, and talented person. Whom I like a lot. But I don't know if I want her. Or a relationship. I feel guilty over how crazy my schedule is, and frustrated over the state of my body, and unsure of where I will be in a year. She's great, but I'm not as excited, and wondering if I will end up in love with her or not. Wondering what that even feels like. I've felt love once in my life, and that was five years ago now.
Maybe. That last sentence is important. If I felt love, would I recognize it? What does it take to feel love? How much time is giving a relationship a fair shake before knowing?
Six months, max. If you know, you know. That's the problem. When you don't know, you don't...and so you wait around, hoping one day you'll have that certainty. But when you don't know...you just don't. You shouldn't have to wait forever to know. How long did it take you to know when you were in love that once, five years ago?
Two months. That feeling held for about two years until depression took it away from me. Since then I haven't felt anything close to the same feeling. This relationship is at month 2.5.
Well . . . dating sucks balls but . . . there's worse things in the world than spending a bit of time with a kind, patient, talented person. Have you checked in to see how she's feeling about things? That might clarify or affirm things that you're noticing about your own reactions (or non-reactions).