I was in the Army National Guard from 1998 to 2004. I think I've mentioned it before on hubski that I loathed those "support the troops" magnets people put on their cars. As one of the people they were ostensibly supporting, it seemed clear it was nothing about me and primarily about supporting George Bush and his war. I know invoking Michael Moore garners strong reactions from some on all sides of the political spectrum, but there's a line from Fahrenheit 9/11 that stuck with me. It's discussing the volunteer military and that the expectation should be that they're sent into danger only when absolutely necessary. That's what "support the troops" failed to do. Supporting the troops would have meant questioning the civilian leaders. It would have meant pressure to avoid conflict. Instead all they (important note: I never deployed) got was letters from third grade classes and care packages of junk food.
I’m thankful at least, that currently, my kids and their friends play minimally with war toys right now. Some Star Wars stuff and nerf dart guns are as warlike as they get. Heck, my brother and I had quite a GI Joe arsenal of troops, tanks, and planes growing up, in addition to cap guns, Star Wars battle toys and spent a sizeable amount of time playing battle, watching related shows and movies, and reviewing tv commercials of the next purchases we needed to build up our armies of deterrence.
I was driving by the remnants of Summit Place mall just the other day, and it reminded me of a birthday I had when I was probably 7 or 8. My aunt took me there to buy whatever I wanted from Toys-R-Us, and naturally I picked out a relatively realistic looking bolt action rifle (since my mom never would have allowed that sort of thing). I loved that gun, because it was the most real-looking gun of all kids I'd play shooting games with. But that was it. It was a toy, and a fun toy, but it ended at pretend. I know your brother pretty well, and it doesn't seem to me that any of those GI Joes gave him any predilection toward violence, either. That trip down memory lane was pretty important, however, because I was driving with my wife, and full disclosure, she's set to give birth to our son within a few days. I revere my childhood experience of playing guns, and I sincerely believe that it helped to make me more curious about the world. I don't for a second think that toys like that are harmful, and yet I seem to be at odds with society on this one. I'm not criticizing, but genuinely curious as to why parents such as yourself (who played with toy soldiers as a child) think that it's a good thing that your kids don't? Is there any reason to think that playing war leads to violence, and that you and I (and all my cousins and childhood friends I played with who also grew up well adjusted) are exceptions? My instinct is that we've gone way overboard in regulating toy guns. I literally have no data on this, and I don't know the experience of raising kids yet. My only evidence here is growing up. Very interested for your thoughts on this (and of course any other parents out there, especially those of sons).
My two cents, for both you and katakowsj. I played with guns a ton, played every violent video game available in the late '80s and early '90s, wrestled with my friends, you name it. And I'm about as anti-war and non-violent as you can get. There's so much more to it than the toys we play with: it was the context. The scarier thing for me, looking back, was the degree of nationalism that went with the Cold War. I was lucky in that I was too young to get the full brunt of that, but then was old enough by the time 9/11 happened (18) that I had enough foundation not to be suckered in. Humans are humans, and we're still around because our ancestors were willing to kill someone else to survive. That hasn't left us, so we can pretend that those thoughts aren't there or allow them some healthy expression. Moreover, self-defense is a right and isn't something that should be stigmatized.
Just the one so far, but yeah. I'm fine with her playing violent stuff within reason, with the degree based on her age. In other words, she needs some experience with life in general before anything too gory or violent would be appropriate IMO. But she knows I do kung fu and is starting to understand what that means. She understands the idea of protecting her from monsters. We play Mario Kart together, and she thinks it's funny when people get hit with turtle shells. This is about where she's at right now. What I keep in mind is the simple fact that violence is still a part of our lives in some form or another. Just as I don't want her to be so unused to personal freedom that she goes on a 6-month binge when she goes to college, I don't want her to have so little experience with the idea of violence that she can't handle it when it comes unbidden. My job as a parent is in part to train her to face the rest of the world, and that includes exposure to violence. Familiarity breeds contempt, and I want her to be able to cope even as I want her not to revel in it.
Not a big fan of it. I don’t see any benefit of my kids taking part in violent games. I don’t have any problems with a person’s right of self defense. However, I expect my kids to develop their self-defense in their heads far before getting physical. Maybe some of it comes from my experience as an educator. I use mental jujitsu daily as I work to keep my hormonallly-challenged and insecure middle schoolers on the right path. Middle Schoolers are emotionally charged and quicker to violent thoughts, talk, and actions than adults are on the whole. The kids that think of violence and talk of violence are the ones that are far likely to be getting into physical fights in order to “defend” themselves. This “defense” far too often, is just a physical way to defend their honor, rather than their personal safety. Typically, some dumbass has posted false and insulting claims about them on Snapchat or other social media. I find that students habituated to “playing violent” or “talking violent” far often skip the mental part of self-defense that includes asking oneself, “Is the stuff this person posted, or said, true? If so, I should rethink my choices, if not, they are a fraud and I’ll respond with “whatever...” and move on with my life. Students that come to school with the expectation that violence is an absolute last resort are able to find peaceable resolutions to their problems and are happier and more successful. That’s how I hope to raise my kids.
So, I am working this through my own head as I post, so please bear with me and keep in mind that I never post with the intent of causing offense. I do not intend to criticize the way you parent, and I don't expect you to make a single change in the way you do things. ... ... ... This strategy seems totally viable as long as one vital premise is true. That premise being some formulation of the idea 'My child has a high probability of not being face-to-face with a violent person.' or ' My child has a high probability of being able to avoid situations where they are face-to-face with a violent person.' I think that non-violence is important politically. I think that non-violent problem solving is not only mature and sensible but also probably morally superior to violence-exclusive problem solving. I think that there is also a non-zero chance that I will at some point in my life have to defend either myself or someone I love, such as a spouse, child or sibling from someone or something with violent intent. You addressed this when talking about 'defense' as it relates to honor, and I do think that there is a cop-out there, in schoolyard situations and similar. I also think that we are not yet advanced enough as a species that individuals can forgo some amount of ability to protect themselves from violence. A certain amount of common sense and thinking ahead plays into that, an example being that I am unlikely to get mugged because I do not frequent places where muggings take place. However, each day, some amount of people are violently assaulted by strangers either for their cash/accessories or purely because someone had a bad day, was off their meds, was on some meds they shouldn't be on, etc. Because of where we are at in our cultural (Possibly biological) evolution, I think that it is a responsible thing for everyone to know a certain amount about self defense. I also think that there is such a thing as a healthy relationship with physical discomfort/pain. Certain difficult experiences give perspective on life's challenges, and a certain amount of re-sensitization to the actual, real-life effects of violence (Pain hurts!) acts as a countermeasure to our hyper-exposure to violence in media. I may be totally wrong. It may be that the only way for the species to advance with regard to interpersonal conflict is for each and every person to turn the other cheek 100% of the time, sometimes to extremes. That may be true. And if it is, well, iron my loincloth and call me Tarzan.
Every state that romanticizes warriors, soldiers, shows that they need public support for a war. The second tag on Hubski is apt, jF: it's nothing but misleading the public into believing soldiers are brave because what they're fighting is evil — therefore, war is good because the soldiers are getting rid of evil. It was... "surprising", perhaps not, but confusing at first to find that other countries don't celebrate the Great Fatherland War (which, for some reason, is being translated as "Great Patriotic"). Why wouldn't they? We defeated fascism, right?.. It was around that time that I started figuring out just how militaristic — and undesirable overall in its internal politics — Russia is. We praise men for passing their conscription service — and the incidents of abuse, violence and murder that keep happening on the service (which is only hanging out around the barracks between the training)? "That's just the way it is". Sure: lock up a few dozen young men with their blood still boiling and hormones pumping and see how many limbs you are getting away with. Russia needs soldiers. Someone asked me about military service in Russia. I explained how Russia thinks every other country is against it, so it has to prepare for assault at any time. "But that's insane!" — the person replied. Exactly. None of that is on paper: it's all in the air. Most of y'all reading this are my supposed enemies — or, at least, my country describes you as such. I said earlier on Hubski that the mainstream media and the "discussion" around it doesn't distinguish between the state and the people. "That's ridiculous", some of you replied. "Nobody thinks the people are a threat". Yes. Yes, they do — and that is terrifying to think about: being swayed from one direction to another by a whim of the people governing the people. "Them Americans are stupid! Fighting against Trump with them false accusations, the media attacking him" — arguing so while conveniently (or blatantly, right in front of your face) forgetting every counterargument. Are military parades a thing in the US? 'cause they're a thing there. The 9th of May. Come visit. Every screen in the country turns into a high-resolution streaming device for the Red Square's Mighty Parade of Power. Instead here, nobody mourns the dead soldiers much. Technically, we're not at war. Meanwhile: March 18th, 2018 [presidential election in Russia] Strong President — Strong Russia!
The military parades I've seen in the US are all related to memorials. There are as many elderly men riding in old convertible Cadillacs as there are active troops. Weapons are mostly limited to ceremonial rifles. Where we love our shows of power is flying military jets over sporting events. They'll even do it when the event is indoors for the benefit of those at home. It's presumably yet more social engineering, that the military is a team we should all blindly cheer for in every circumstance.
My city's got a fuckin' polaris missle in a city park.Where we love our shows of power is flying military jets over sporting events.