a thoughtful web.
Good ideas and conversation. No ads, no tracking.   Login or Take a Tour!
comment by _refugee_
_refugee_  ·  2518 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Happy New Year everyone!

I think I made some new friends! Like in the physical world! And I don't mean "bar strangers I talked to because we were all drunk who I'll never see or talk to again," I mean, two friends of a pre-existing friend with whom I got along famously all evening! Who live in my town and are in my age range and have professional jobs and could really become friends to me!

It's hard widening your social circle after college, guys, and what I've found is it mostly requires going to parties where you don't know anyone. Be brave, little rabbit.





ButterflyEffect  ·  2518 days ago  ·  link  ·  

How does one even get invited to parties where they don't know anyone?

_refugee_  ·  2518 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I knew the hostess, and (kind of/only by knowing her) her boyfriend, but that was it. You do kind of have to know the host.

More accurately, what I'd recommend is going to multiple parties hosted by the same person (despite not knowing/expecting to know anyone there). This is the second time I've gone to one of her parties despite - eek! - really not knowing anyone else there at all. It turned out 2 of the guests had been at the last party I went to, too, and everyone had been a sea of faces then so I didn't really remember them but it helped make an easier rapport. And by the end of the evening, we were all really clicking. So I guess, stick with it. I was really surprised.

ButterflyEffect  ·  2518 days ago  ·  link  ·  

Ah. Parties for me go one of three ways at this point, really.

1. I know the host(ess) and the majority of the people at the party.

2. I host the party.

3. I'm not at the party (as in, not invited/not in a situation like what you describe above).

Not quite sure how to bridge that gap.

_refugee_  ·  2517 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I met this friend through my sister, actually, and she was my sister's friend first. So I guess I would suggest going another rung further out in your social circle. You know, instead of hanging out with friends, hang out with friends of friends and kind of brachiating from there. It does sound like it's kind of a closed group though which is unfortunate.

Can you develop new sets of friends via, for instance, work?

ButterflyEffect  ·  2517 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    Can you develop new sets of friends via, for instance, work?

Work is a poor example but I get exactly where you're coming from. Most of co-workers are married/older/generally not people I want to see outside of work. Brachiating is a good visual.