This community is a nice place, and I would like to be a bigger part of it. So I figure the best way to do that is to show up and start saying things. Self I recently came to the realization that vulnerability is hard for me and always has been. I've always felt like a peripheral in groups: Accepted, but not an integral member. I used to think that I had some quality that prevented me from being fully accepted, or that my social groups were just lacking that depth. But I realized the reason is how unwilling I am to be real with people. To be seen as imperfect, and to show things like pride, bitterness, bewilderment, and jealousy. And to empathize when people talk to me about those things, and not act like I don't struggle with them too. Personal Projects I've been reading Deep Work, and it's really eye opening for a lot of different reasons. It made me realize that I rapidly bounce my attention between different projects, and end up making substantial progress on none of them. So I made a list of all the projects I want to accomplish, and it's huge. Make web apps (and learning web development in the process), Finish learning Liszt's Liebestraum No. 3, do my new blog, write an ebook about FPGA development... too much to do at once. The next step is spending time prioritizing the most important projects, and then scheduling long blocks of time where I only work one thing, until they are done. This means I have to stop thinking about a lot of interesting things because I don't have time for them, which is hard. I've also been reading The Name of the Wind, and it's so entertaining, but I just want to scream at Kvothe. Just... settle down, play your lute, make cool shit, be friendly to Ambrose, and things will blow over. You're causing most of your own problems. It's not fate that Hemme and Ambrose hate you and are doing things to mess up your life. You caused that, you little shit. Learn some diplomacy and get over yourself. Some people are jerks, but success is more important than revenge. You can take physical beatings but can't stand even a nick to your precious ego.
When in a group of people, just ask questions. Ask what somebody does for fun. Ask them what they like to cook, or where they last went on vacation. Most people enjoy talking, and sharing their experiences. People who listen are rare, and valued. Also, science shows that the person who does less talking in a conversation is seen to be more intelligent. So, bonus! After a while, you will find how to engage with people honestly and openly. When someone tells you of the amazing sunrise they saw from their tent when they went camping, you can relate when you had a similar feeling. It's genuine, it's participating in the conversation, and you don't have to worry about your pride or perfection or anything. And welcome to Hubski, and Pubski. This is a good place to practice. :-)
Most people enjoy talking, and sharing their experiences. People who listen are rare, and valued. To add to this, something that's easy to practice with is simply mirroring what they speak about. IT gives the impression of active listening, and engages you in the conversation. A few good stem lines I use are: - [Paraphrase their answer to your initial question], did I get that? - [Repeat answer with some variance], tell me more. - [Rephrase answer]. That makes a lot of sense to me, because [insert your own relatable experience]. Exactly as goobster put it, the whole activity will become more natural and even enjoyable. The best part is that you don't even have to make it about yourself, nor act like you struggle with X problem if you're not willing to or be vulnerable yet. Sheerly by the act of 'active listening' is enough in my experience.When in a group of people, just ask questions. Ask what somebody does for fun. Ask them what they like to cook, or where they last went on vacation.