I have something deeply personal to share. It's been one year today since my best friend committed suicide. Oddly enough, a journal of his was found yesterday with drafts of suicide notes, some addressed to individuals, some general. Interspersed with notes from his daily life like to-do items, grocery lists, job interview stuff, etc. Reading the note he wrote me gave me such an intense feeling of relief and closure. I had already made my peace with the complicated, tragic situation that it was, but his journal answered so many of my lingering questions. Thank you, Chris, for the most important friendship of my life and for helping me understand. Mental illness is heartbreaking.
Oh don't worry. I spent all yesterday and the day before on the phone with friends, going over the notes he wrote to us, reminiscing about old times, and catching up. Chris brought people together while he was alive and still does even though he's not with us. I just felt like sharing here after logging in for the first time in almost two years.
Wow, I opened up hubski for the first time in a while and this is the first thing I saw... Both heartbreaking (for you/Chris specifically and in general mental illness/suicide) and heartwarming. I'm glad the journal and message to you surfaced (particularly with the timing that it did) and that it provided feelings of relief and closure.
Thank you. I'd actually just gotten back into hubski myself when I posted it. My last activity was almost 2 years ago. Re: Chris' words, the part that really stuck out in his note to me was this: I was welling up reading the note for the first time obviously, but the flood gates opened when I got to that. Made me feel special and so fortunate to have known him.There was always an emptiness in me that no amount of partying and merriment could ever fill. But it's not to say we didn't try. And if anyone could cure somebody's ills with a good time, it would have been you.