The embodiment of the conservative dream in America is Texas

Clearly.

The sanctity of human life, created in the image of God, which should be protected from fertilization to natural death.

Bye-bye birth control.

Self-sufficient families, founded on the traditional marriage of a natural man and a natural woman.

Sorry GSMs, no love for you.

We strongly support the immediate repeal of the Endangered Species Act. We strongly oppose the listing of the dune sage brush lizard either as a threatened or an endangered species. We believe the Environmental Protection Agency should be abolished.

Well, the oil industry is really having a tough time. All those environmentalists are getting in the way of making any money at all!

We support legislation requiring labor unions to obtain consent of the union member before that member’s dues can be used for political purposes. We strongly oppose card check.

Sorry unions, while corporations can spend unlimited amounts of money for political purposes, you have to run through hoops to do anything. Also, we wouldn't want to make it easier for people to form unions.

A candidate must submit to the Secretary of State proof of qualifications for the office being sought, including proof of citizenship and in the case of a presidential candidate, an original or certified copy of a valid birth certificate.

Lol, birthers

We support repeal of all Motor Voter laws; re-registering voters every four years; requiring photo ID of all registrants; proof of residency and citizenship, along with voter registration application

Well I hope you make those things free and easy to get for citizens, cause otherwise that'd be a poll tax which is illeg-

We urge that the Voter Rights Act of 1965 codified and updated in 1973 be repealed and not reauthorized.

...oh.

We urge immediate repeal of the McCain-Feingold Act.

Of course, don't wanna have ads paid for by groups with unlimited corporate (but not unions, lol, that'd be bad) money actually tell voters who paid for the ads.

We support the affirmation of traditional Judeo-Christian family values and oppose the continued assault on those values.

Separation of what and what?

We affirm that the public acknowledgement of God is undeniable in our history and is vital to our freedom, prosperity and strength. We pledge our influence toward a return to the original intent of the First Amendment and toward dispelling the myth of separation of church and state. We urge the Legislature to increase the ability of faith-based institutions and other organizations to assist the needy and to reduce regulation of such organizations.

Oh.

We unequivocally oppose the United States Senate’s ratification of the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child.

Damn kids and their rights.

We support an immediate and orderly transition to a system of private pensions based on the concept of individual retirement accounts, and gradually phasing out the Social Security tax

Damn socialism.

The current system [of welfare] encourages dependency on government and robs individuals and generations of healthy motivation and self-respect.

Damn lazy socialists.

We demand the immediate repeal of the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, which we believe to be unconstitutional.

Damn Obama socialists.

All adult citizens should have the legal right to conscientiously choose which vaccines are administered to themselves or their minor children without penalty for refusing a vaccine. We oppose any effort by any authority to mandate such vaccines or any medical database that would contain personal records of citizens without their consent.

Damn herd immunity.

We believe that parents are best suited to train their children in their early development and oppose mandatory pre-school and Kindergarten. We urge Congress to repeal government-sponsored programs that deal with early childhood development.

Damn child socialists.

We believe the current teaching of a multicultural curriculum is divisive. We favor strengthening our common American identity and loyalty instead of political correctness that nurtures alienation among racial and ethnic groups. Students should pledge allegiance to the American and Texas flags daily to instill patriotism.

Damn multiculturalism.

We support objective teaching and equal treatment of all sides of scientific theories. We believe theories such as life origins and environmental change should be taught as challengeable scientific theories subject to change as new data is produced. Teachers and students should be able to discuss the strengths and weaknesses of these theories openly and without fear of retribution or discrimination of any kind.

I look forward to kids learning both sides of the controversial theory of "time"

We recommend that local school boards and classroom teachers be given more authority to deal with disciplinary problems. Corporal punishment is effective and legal in Texas.

Damn kids an their unbruised bodies.

We support school subjects with emphasis on the Judeo-Christian principles upon which America was founded and which form the basis of America’s legal, political and economic systems.

Jesus was a free-market economist.

We urge legislators to prohibit reproductive health care services, including counseling, referrals, and distribution of condoms and contraception through public schools.

Damn horny kids.

We support the Boy Scouts of America and reject any attempt to undermine or fundamentally change the ideals of the organization.

But we apparently don't support the Girl Scouts of America.

We support the withdrawal of the United States from the United Nations and the removal of U.N. headquarters from U.S. soil.

Uhhh, kay.

To protect our serviceman and women and ensure that America's Armed Forces remain the best in the world, we affirm the timelessness of those values, the benefits of traditional military culture and the incompatibility of homosexuality with military service.

Guns and gays just don't mix, see?

Also, so much on abortion.

We urge the FDA to rescind approval of the physically dangerous RU-486 and oppose limiting the manufacturers’ and distributors’ liability.

No abortion.

We oppose sale and use of the dangerous “Morning After Pill.”

No abortion

We support legislation that requires doctors, at first opportunity, to provide to a woman who is pregnant, information about the nervous system development of her unborn child and to provide pain relief for her unborn if she orders an abortion. We support legislation banning of abortion after 20 weeks gestation due to fetal pain.

No abortion, you monster.

We urge the State to ensure that the Prenatal Protection Law is interpreted accurately and consider the unborn child as an equal victim in any crime, including domestic violence.

No abortion, you criminal.

We believe that doctors, nurses, pharmacists, any employees of hospitals and insurance companies, health care organizations, medical and scientific research students, and any employee should be protected by Texas law if they conscientiously object to participate in practices that conflict with their moral or religious beliefs, including but not limited to abortion, the prescription for and dispensing of drugs with abortifacient potential, human cloning, embryonic stem cell research, eugenic screenings, euthanasia, assisted suicide, and the withdrawal of nutrition and hydration.

I hope you're not in any danger of dying due to your pregnancy, cause no abortion.

We commend the Texas Legislature for the passage of the Woman's Right to Know Act, a law requiring abortion providers, prior to an abortion, to provide women full knowledge of the physical and psychological risks of abortion, the characteristics of the unborn child, and abortion alternatives.

LOOK AT THIS BABY WHICH YOU'RE GOING TO KILL. LOOK AT IT. NO ABORTION.

We call on the Legislature to require parental consent for any form of medical care and/or counseling to minors. We urge electoral defeat of judges who through judicial activism seek to nullify the Parental Consent Law by granting bypasses to minor girls seeking abortions

Daddy says, "No abortions"

Health care decisions should be between a patient and health care professional and should be protected from government intrusion.

Except in cases of abortion, in which case: no abortion.

We strongly oppose any federal or state requirement or other mandate to provide abortions or contraception and sterilization, since this would clearly violate many individuals, businesses, churches, and non-profit personnel’s faith and beliefs. Government must obey the 1st Amendment to the U.S. Constitution!

No abortions

We believe a person who injures or kills an unborn child should be subject to criminal and civil litigation

No abortions, or we'll sue and jail you.