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comment by goobster
goobster  ·  2999 days ago  ·  link  ·    ·  parent  ·  post: Pubski: September 7, 2016

99% of them won't qualify for entry into your Monkeysphere, so don't sweat it.

There are tricks for remembering names, though.

A friend of mine who is a photographer actually takes a "mental photo". He shakes the person's hand, and while doing so, repeats the person's name, and blinks - like a photo shutter closing - and takes a mental picture with the audio tag of him saying the person's name. It works for him.

For me, it was a realization that remembering someone's name is about respect, not about your capacity to remember, or not. We can all remember names when we want/need to. Like that hot girl/guy at the bar... you remember their name, why can't you remember the FedEx guy's name?

Lack of respect. It's that simple.

When I realized that, I pretty much instantly began remembering everyone's name. I know because I was in a weekend-long group event with about 60 other people I didn't know, so I had ample practice that evening, and throughout the weekend.

Remembering names is easy. But every name you remember is not going to be a part of your Monkeysphere, so cut yourself a little slack. :-)





goobster  ·  2999 days ago  ·  link  ·  
This comment has been deleted.
veen  ·  2999 days ago  ·  link  ·  

True, true. However, I wouldn't feel very guilty about not knowing the FedEx guy's name. I find it draining to remember all the names (and backgrounds, experiences, conversations...) of all the people that I don't really care that much about. I have to make a selection of who to care about and who to forget, or else I'll forget things I know about the people I do care about. That bar is set low, but I still wouldn't try to remember a delivery guy's name.

goobster  ·  2999 days ago  ·  link  ·  

    I wouldn't feel very guilty about not knowing the FedEx guy's name. I find it draining to remember all the names of all the people that I don't really care that much about.

Oh man... you will want to take a very close look at those beliefs.

Because those beliefs right there? Those are the beliefs of a Grade A asshole.

Which you may not be yet... but that's the destination down the road that says people are only valuable according to their title, job, position, name, skin color, language...

veen  ·  2999 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I did wonder if I came off as a jerk!

To me those things are not the same. It's not that I have a select club of people that I value based on their job/position/etc and forget about the rest. I just think that I should have a (meaningful) conversation with someone before I am going to remember their name and details. Because if I care about someone even a little, I try to remember everything about them. That is something I can't do genuinely for everyone I encounter, so I draw a line at 'is there a chance that this person will matter some day in the future'.

goobster  ·  2998 days ago  ·  link  ·  

I hear ya, and I understand your thinking.

But you are selling your brain short. Remembering people's names is easy when you get the hang of it, it doesn't diminish your capability to remember other stuff (our brains are NOT hard drives that "fill up"), and it keeps ya sharp.

And, you never know when it could come in useful ... making a friend of the FedEx guy can have unexpected benefits. ("Hey veen, I noticed that package has a dent in the side. Why don't you open it and check it out. Yeah? Damaged? Ok. No problem. Keep it, and I'll file a report. We'll get you a new one tomorrow. Sorry about that!")

user-inactivated  ·  2999 days ago  ·  link  ·  

From a person who thought they had problems with names - thank you.

goobster  ·  2999 days ago  ·  link  ·  

There are a bunch of different methods and tools for helping your brain store and recall information. It's a good thing to research, because you never know which method will work best for you.