Somewhere, in between the top and bottom of this comic is something that I very badly need to internalize.
Edit*
Dunno if I want to be happy. I'd like to not be at war with myself all the time. I'd like to feel like I belong.
That's not THE definition of happiness. That's HIS definition of happiness. I've read easily over half a dozen books on happiness -- from a Buddhist point of view, from a Christian point of view, from an atheist point of view, from a neuroscientist point of view, from a historical point of view and from a experimental point of view. None of those books defined happiness as constant joy. That would be highly unlikely to maintain. It would be too exhausting. His source of inspiration is also a little dubious. He cites Augusten Burroughs as his source. Augusten Burroughs wrote a memoir about being abandoned by his psychotic mother and fostered by a crazy psychiatrist, looking at the Amazon review. I wouldn't take my definition of happiness based on that one person.
Nailed it. Any "-ness" is a personally-defined state, not something imposed from outside. Happiness. Loneliness. Acrimoniousness. For me, happiness is a spike that accentuates an experience. A memorable moment that takes a snapshot of a "good time". Could be me sitting under my tree, watching the birds, or dancing under a lunar eclipse to some bangin' house music at Burning Man. Happiness to me is that snapshot of a moment in time when I was happy. That's not THE definition of happiness. That's HIS definition of happiness.
Not being happy doesn't equate to unhappiness. Maybe in writing sure, but not in real life. Happiness isn't two state of beings, it's a spectrum. Often, in our day to day lives, we reside near the middle of the spectrum, neither overtly happy or not, just content. Some moments of our life shift us closer to either end, but to constantly live in a state of pure joy is to live in a utopia - and we all know how that ends. The above is a healthy person, a person whose neutral state rests near the middle of the spectrum. A depressed person would be one whose neutral state rests near the "unhappy" side of the spectrum. It is unhealthy for a person to be giddy 100% of the time; in the same sense, it is unhealthy for a person to always be miserable. In the end, to decipher your own happiness and whether or not you should change, you must first clear your mind of any one person's definition of happiness. Forget everything you've learned or been taught because it's all pressures of a society made by humans for humans. Look into yourself and determine: Am I content? What do I want to change? Is it reasonable to want these things to change? Is so, how will I change them?Well, unhappy IS the converse... it's a snapshot of a time that was very bad.
I think a lot of people would benefit from the shift in perspective this comic gives. ...but... I've felt joy. I've felt bliss. But those feelings are ephemeral. Being "happy" implies permanence I don't agree with his premise that happiness is permanent and unchanging though. Why would it be? I think he's using happiness as a blunt euphemism for "a successful station in life" where we're given never ending short term goals to be measured against some kind of material criteria (test scores, grades, a job, a promotion, a boy/girlfriend, earnings, a car, a house....,) rather than an internal sense of well being (yeah and now I'm being obtuse and vague.) These things are ridiculously difficult to describe - "like catching water with a net". I'm eternally grateful I learned meditation in my mid 20s because that gave me an alternative perspective earlier than I think I would have found without it. That's part of what this comic is alluding to (reading a bit between the lines) as well as the idea of "flow" or being absorbed timelessly in your current activity. But I've never felt "happy".
I took a class on the psychology of happiness and we looked at the concept of "permanent happiness" as a reason why a lot of Americans don't consider themselves happy. If you reached "happiness" and then just plateaued forever, that would be a pretty shit existence. The class focused a lot on meditation and gratitude as a means of creating a longer period of happiness but obviously it's not going to stave off the low feelings we get sometimes.
It's cliché I guess, but it took me a long, long time to grasp the concept of yin/yang. How can there be only one side of a piece of paper? I read that life is defined by constant motion; up or down, forward or backward or in reality all directions and that the opposite, death, is just staticity.
When he says I think he's trying to say Maybe not 'permanent' but more than just a fleeting moment of 'this feels good.' Meditation is certainly helpful. I am on some sort of plateau, I don't seem to be making much 'progress' such as it is. I sit, become still, and then... that's it. I've been slacking in my practice lately because I don't feel like I'm deriving much benefit from it. My day is no longer radically changed if I spend 20 minutes sitting before I leave for work. I certainly have some problems with this piece, but I guess I like seeing that there are other people out there pouring their heart and soul into things, having varied interests, and who still struggle with the things I do. Makes me feel less alone, less atypical than I am.Being "happy" implies permanence
"Happy" implies a pervasive good feeling
That's literally everyone on the planet. Look - There's nothing novel in this, other than Matt's insistence on a straw-man argument against a false definition as prompted by the essay of a lying sack of shit. You said you needed to internalize this, so start with this: The difference between depression and normalcy is that you are neurochemically compelled to experience the lows more and the highs less. All us humans have much the same experience in life due to overwhelmingly similar circumstances, anatomy, chemistry and culture. Obviously there's a difference between a slumkid in Calcutta and Tori Spelling but we all wake up, we all poop, we all eat, we all talk to other people and constantly negotiate our place in the world. Sometimes this pleases us, sometimes this frustrates us. I know a girl who is off work this year with a "lupus-related disorder." I have never seen her not smiling. She's amazing. She's loved by everyone. I know one of her best friends who, for her entire life, has had a weird smile related to a giant bony growth on her face that didn't get removed until she was 14. She's always smiling, too. She's amazing, too. She's also loved by everyone. Now - a lot of that is upbringing. A lot of that is conditioning. A lot of that is a willful desire to be optimistic. But a lot of it is chemistry, too. If there's any truth in the article, it's that some people have less happiness in their chemistry than others. I mean, did we really need a 30-panel Oatmeal comic to tell us that? Some people don't have enough to get by, some people have plenty to share. What you got, what I got, what everyone else gots is worth noting and worth internalizing but fuckin' A, yo, you knew that in Kindergarten. Here's the take-away: People who are happy attract others to them. People who are not drive them away. I'm fuckin' salty right now - nine hours yesterday trying to get a phone system working on my day off. Haven't talked to my daughter in 3 days. The only thing to eat is frozen burritos and granola bars because I didn't have time to go to the grocery store yesterday and today I had to spend that time tuning the bike. But I'm not posting that shit in Pubski because who the fuck wants to hear me whine? It's bad enough to listen to me throw shade on Apple all day. Fake it 'til you make it. You will get no "happier" by dwelling in your unhappiness and holding it around you like a cloak. Whenever someone asks you "why aren't you happy?" they're really asking "what can I do to make your experience better because I want to spend time with you but it's hard." Depression is the act of driving away that which you need the most. And that is something you can work on, and definitely something to internalize. I guess I like seeing that there are other people out there pouring their heart and soul into things, having varied interests, and who still struggle with the things I do.
I was thinking about this yesterday in that fudgy segue into sleep. I've had experiences from meditation that I can only describe as peak experiences; deep, profound, emotionally measureless. The vast majority of the time though, it's mundane or a struggle or simply uninspiring. I think all of those are necessary. One teacher actually told me those uninspiring sessions are where true progress lies. (Progress is wrong but let's leave that for another time.) Also I'm with you, despite my disagreements and the chaotic scope of the comic, it's a fine conversation catalyst. It's good to encourage people to take a closer look at what their lives mean to them and wider yet, at what it means to be alive.
Yes. 100%. As useless as words are in that respect though, they're one of our best tools and I'd personally put music above words there. To convey feelings or emotions exactly is ultimately futile, but some people have the gift of crafting those words or music or images together that can unlock your own (perhaps similar?) state.
One can easily put into words the reasoning behind the way they feel, whatever the emotion. That, is easy. To describe the feeling itself, though? I think you're right about music and how it helps us relate our place in the realm we all share to another. We may not be able to reproduce what we feel in others - not yet, perhaps - because we all experience the world in different ways. What we can do is to channel the emotions into a work of art, whatever form it takes. There are stories as moving as the best pieces of music. Words aren't useless. They just aren't what we'd hope they'd be, given how powerful they may be at times.
I was telling mivasairski recently that in a Venn diagram where one circle shows my sorrow and the other my happiness, the two circles would completely overlap. What that means is that happiness/sorrow are not a binary. They coexist in what some people call cognitive dissonance, but I just call life.
I don't understand why "happiness" is considered the objective of life for the majority of people anyway. My best guess is that it's something that people don't really think is attainable for themselves, but is for others, so that it gives them something to complain about, which is really what most people want. What's so great about being happy? When we're happy, we're unmotivated. A burr under the saddle is a good thing, because it's what drives us to create (at least those of us who are inclined in that direction). It's nice to be happy sometimes, but it's inhuman to be happy all the time. The best part about being a human is having the ability to observe a state of being, decide how that state could be improved upon, and come up with a plan to implement your putative improvements.
I once heard about a wise woman who said that happiness is a choice. Being happy is not the same as being a happy person. Being happy is in the moment. Being a happy person is a personality trait. It's important to be just who we are.
Is being a happy person the same thing as being a person who is always happy? Is it a state, or an attribute? Being constantly happy is a state. Being a happy person, to me, is an attribute. I don't think you have to always be happy to be generally a happy person. I do think you have to have a positive outlook - also known as optimism. Emotions are passing stages. If I am sad today, that doesn't make me a sad person.
I don't feel like I'm equipped to fully agree or disagree with that statement. Still, optimism seems to be major component of happiness. Do you think you need more than optimism to be happy, though?I do think you have to have a positive outlook - also known as optimism.
Did I say that it's the single trait required to be a happy person, or did I say "I do think you have to have a positive outlook to be a happy person"? At no point did I say being optimistic was the recipe for being a happy person, or that there was a single trait which guaranteed happiness. I said I thought you needed optimism to be a happy person, but that is like saying you need flour to make bread. Flour isn't the only ingredient in bread, but you're going to be hard pressed to make bread without it. You can be prickly all you want, but try being prickly without twisting my comments.
You said that some people call the personality trait of being a happy person "optimism". Would you still say that?Did I say that it's the single trait required to be a happy person, or did I say "I do think you have to have a positive outlook to be a happy person"?
"Happiness is the exercise of vital powers, along lines of excellence, in a life affording them scope." I'm beginning to think that what we call "happiness" is a modern invention, something along the lines of marriage for love (uncommon until the Industrial Revolution). When you are starving, hungry, living in fear of war, disease, plague, revolution, crime can you really be happy? Maybe content that you are living a good life providing for a family, sure, but happy? Very, and I mean VERY recently, humans were one step from the grave. A broken bone meant that you did not work and if you did not work you starved; in the extreme case your family starved along with you. Women had ten kids... only to bury 6 of them on average before they hit puberty. Old people were rare, but they did exist, only they were for the most part invalids unless they were born into wealth and lived a wealthy lifestyle. Polio, measles, smallpox? All gone in my lifetime! Chickenpox vaccine is only 15 years old or so now and the pox used to be deadly and kill thousands. We live soft lives of comfort, for the most part. Even people in poverty live better than we did even 50 years ago. Only the worst of the worst off live in danger of disease, the elements, malnutrition etc. Major wars that kill percentages of people in a country are no longer a thing in the industrialized world (Ukraine may have a claim on the exception). But for the last 100,000 or so years, we lived on the edge of death and danger. Our brains are wired for that fight or flight reflex. When that reflex, when that environment stops existing, how does the brain react? We've been removed from the danger for about 100 or so years, only four generations. The hardware is not caught up with the software. When I see the people who are not "happy" for a better word, I also see people complaining about boredom. The people who don't complain about being happy are the people who DO SHIT. They teach, they build, they create, they innovate, they work toward a goal. Can you imagine someone 150-200 years ago complaining about being bored? Yea, I can't see that either. Maybe, and this is a pure anecdotal speculation, that "happy" means movement. People who start exercising have better mood and less depression I'm happy in my life. Could things be better? Fuck yea they could be. I have several long term goals, I'm involved in charities, I do things. I work at a job that fulfills me. I am not at all bored. Is that why I am happy? I think I had a point in here, but it is late and I rambled. Sorry.
Time to break out my Philosophy 160. It seems to me that language is causing most of the pain points here. When Mr. Oatmeal hears the word happiness it seems like he interprets it in a hedonistic sense, a state of permanent joy or euphoria. However, when I hear the question "Are you happy?" I'm more likely to interpret it in a Greek eudaimonia sense; i.e. "Are you flourishing?", "Are you growing?", "Does your life have meaning?" which to me is the exact type of happiness the author is seeking out, and maybe what you're looking for OftenBen based on your edit. I hope I'm not splitting hairs or redefining language with this. What do you guys think? Am I way off?
Honestly I completely disagree. Obviously there's not just two ways of being, happy and unhappy, but that's besides the point. I honestly can say that after feeling shitty and on and off depressed most of my life, I've reached a true point of happiness. Almost enlightenment really, as corny as that sounds. Do I still get angry or feel sad? Yeah, all the time. But that goes away and I go back to being happy. I love my life these last 4 years. That is a WHILE to feel this way. I'm also fulfilled, I'm also interested. I feel like I truly have come to understand my place in the universe and that because I am so small, the universe so grand, and my life so unimportant compared to everything else, I can really focus on just the moments in my life, the connections to those around me, and enriching both of those every day. It's become a joyful experience overall that I'm happy to have found.
I spent most of my formative years killing myself over the question of happiness, and was miserable for it. I look back to those times, and I smile. They were terrible times (Good parts of it still exist as most of it didn't happen all that long ago), but I remember them fondly because of the stress it put me under. It inspired me to create things that I could never recreate, it inspired me to learn in ways I couldn't now. Was every part of it stellar? Of course not. I've since stopped looking for happiness in any organized sense because somewhere along the way I realized the chaos of it all is so much cooler.
I think Augusten Burroughs has too much time on his hands. Actually, I think we all do. Late-stage capitalism. In this day and age, "happiness" is quite a heavily exploited condition. I mean, shit, people will take out multiple loans to get that fancy house, or whatever object they've been led to believe is the answer to their unhappiness. It may also simply involve a trip to the gas station for more sugar water to fuel that codependency. From an eastern philosophical POV: the end result is all the same....cyclic attachment. building off the eastern POV - adding notes of western rationale, you could make the same conclusion about happiness: It's what you make of it. Disclaimer: I'm a lunatic. My premise here- I believe there's a real tech bubble surrounding all that has gone up in the last 25 years. It has not been discussed openly as this archetype is part of the same unsustainable system that has brought up a host of 'unhappy' consumption-fixed mouth breathers - inundated with generic concepts, until they become generic enough to become part of a system that is as unsustainable as ever, and needs more and more to even turn over now. How does this even relate to the topic? Because late stage capitalism. It has engineered A LOT OF MOO COWS>>> and you can see the real counter-balancing forces that have risen from this breaking system. But, on the topic of happiness... I'm happy right now to even have the freedom to talk about happiness, that is a luxury to me. Most other people I live around have either spent much of a life busying themselves with such debates, and have nothing to show for it but a lifestyle that favors a commitment to ever-complex theories, or have no freedom of thought, because they are working all the damn time. Many of them chose to work all the damn time. Usually the ones who think the most about themselves are most likely to think ill of themselves, too. It's just a balancing effect, I thinks. It's happening: the current debt cycle we're experiencing is going to end sooner than later. Lol, so many people are going to, if their lucky, look back and wonder how we all took the luxury to create our own reality, and forget about the simple necessities that drive us all.
There's a book I like called The Happiness Trap. In it, the author asserts that humans were not meant to feel nothing but happiness all the time, and that to try to achieve that goal is futile. Instead you can connect with your goals and values that you find meaningful regardless of how you feel. So basically kind of what The Oatmeal is saying. But there's a bit more to it than that. You may not be able to feel happiness all the time, but you can feel peace. You can feel equanimity. You can reach a place where your emotions are free to do their own thing, and you no longer feel a need to control or fight them. It's possible to feel like a deep, deep lake, where the surface is rocked with storms and waves (uncomfortable thoughts and emotions), but the vast majority of you is still and peaceful, and you are not caught up in whatever is going on on the surface.