Cool thing is an... okay song. But can I level with y'all for a moment?

This is why we didn't hang out with you in high school.

See, a lot of us knew and understood that we were passionate about our music. A lot of us knew and understood that much of our love was contextual, and that what you got out of Sonic Youth we would never get out of Sonic Youth because that XLR8R magazine you loved so much? That you insisted we leaf through? We weren't turned onto it by that cool chick you met while on vacation with your parents. We only heard about the cool chick. And we get it. You're into the cool chick, therefore you're into XLR8R, therefore you're into Sonic Youth.

But we're not.

And we like our music, too - but we know that our musical tastes are our musical tastes, and we'd like to think that you'd like our music, but we've seen time and time again that it doesn't mean the same thing to you as it means to us. Li'l story:

I've got a buddy. He's about 6'5 and a weight lifter. He's a weight lifter because he was the skinny kid that got picked on. He plays a Schechter electric 6-string bass and has an encyclopedic knowledge of butt rock. But his favorite musical artist of all time is Patrick O'Hearn.

Why? Because when he was at his lowest, the low-power AM station that he liked was often playing Musical Starstreams and those albums were the secret soundtrack to his inner life. Outside? All Yngwie, all the time. Inside? He's a Martin through an Echoplex.

But he'd never insist that Patrick O'Hearn is god's gift to music. He understands.

See, we listened to Soundgarden before you did. We borrowed Goo from that girl that it just didn't work out with. And Surfer Rosa posters have hung over the beds of at least three girls that things ended badly with. And on the one hand it was kinda cool when all of a sudden the whole damn school started listening to Nirvana... but on the other hand it was a drag because now we were going to have to explain ad nauseum why we liked it better before the drunk jocks had shit on the same label as us. Why we enjoyed NIN when it was up above it, but now that it's mostly theme songs for date rape we're down in it.

People who take music personally know that music is a personal choice. I had a conversation with Hummie Mann once. He argued that motion picture soundtracks were the worst idea in the history of filmmaking because unless you were using entirely new music, you were playing Russian Roulette with the audience's experience with your music. That wonderful association you have with Singin' in the Rain?

So we know what wonderful associations you have with Sonic Youth, with the Pixies, with Wilco, with The String Cheese Incident, whatever. Thing is, above and beyond however we may feel about the music in isolation, we have associations with it, too.

And we like you. We really do.

But we hate those fuckers that shoved goddamn Sonic Youth down our throats like Kim Gordon was Janis Fucking Joplin. Frankly, we don't care that much for Janis Fucking Joplin, either.

So we love and admire your passion for your music. But when you act as if it's the only sensible opinion...

...well, that's where metal comes from.