Yeah, I've read that Ariely book and think online dating and dating apps are a complete crock of shit designed solely to keep people using them. Success doesn't matter, give the user the tools to have just enough success that creates a story that draws in more people, whole you leave the rest tugging at strings trying to figure why it's not working for them. Your last sentence is really kind of upsetting. If only because I don't want to share who I am. I don't care.
These may be the two most important sentences on the internet. The fact is - speaking from MUCH personal experience - that you won't "find someone" until you stop looking. And I don't mean the whiny, self-pitying, "nobody loves me so I'm not going outside anymore" version of "not looking." You will pass through that stage. Then you will come out the other side, and have genuinely given up entirely. Then you will be someone that other people find attractive, because you aren't using them as a battery to power your sad little existence. You will be a source of power and energy and that is attractive. And that's when they will find you. You gotta be whole and not-needy before someone is gonna want you in a healthy and loving way. It'll happen. Eventually.