I do not understand the public proclamations of grief. Please don't try and make me. I'm not mocking (any of) you for your sadness or trying to persuade you not to be sad. I just totally don't f*cking get it and it's both frustrating and alienating. Someone you didn't know, and would never know, died. Welcome to every day. I just want to put that out there in case I'm NOT the only person in the world feeling like this (as it seems to be).
ahem So there are moments in your life that are iconic, and there are works of art that are meaningful to you, and there are songs that hit you in the solar plexus, and there are movies that took on an outsized importance because you saw it the first time with that boy that absolutely ruled your sophomore year. And you move on and you become someone new and some of the songs drop by the wayside and some of them take on new meaning but as you grow older these milestones become fewer and as a consequence, brighter in the dark. Here, lemme lift this from my Facebook: This is a Russian Literature professor at an Ivy League. She's got plenty going on that has nothing to do with David Bowie. But every time she heard Space Oddity, she becomes a kid climbing up on the counter to dream about the universe. And now, when she hears Space Oddity she'll hear a finality with it. A tolling of the bell. A subtle reminder that all things must pass, that we are all mortal, that even dreams die. Here's another: His wife is in hospice. They've been married 30 years. Their mutual love of David Bowie formed a memorable, initial core of a lasting relationship. David Bowie's passing adds poignancy to an already poignant experience. I know you said not to try and make you understand, but I can't get rid of the frustrating and alienating part without it. People aren't mourning David Bowie. Not really. They're mourning the end of a living connection to their past. Doesn't matter if it's David Bowie or Lemmy Kilminster or Liberace or Abe Vigoda (made you look) - our relationship with cultural touchstones is largely independent of those touchstones until they end. And then we all mourn together.I just totally don't f#cking get it
When I was very small and "Space Oddity" would come on, I'd climb up on the shelf next to my mom's kitchen radio and sit perfectly still, silently singing the words to myself and dreaming about the universe. As a kid, I watched "Labyrinth" over and over, ostensibly for the Muppets, but really for the Goblin King. As I grew older, I listened to the albums, read the Rolling Stone interviews, got to know the personas. The Beatles were my obsession at that age, but Bowie was my constant companion: a promise that there would always be new art to discover, and that the world would always have room for more creativity and weirdness. RIP, friend and mentor.
In 1983, when we started dating, xxxxxxxx told me "I love David Bowie and if he offered, I would leave you to be with him" my reply was (and is) "if he offers, I will gladly help you pack your bags"
At some point I figured that this had to be a metaphorical connection to everything else in life people love and cannot change. I also was thinking about how when Beethoven died and tens of thousands of people came out for his funeral. I think that personalized remembrances that illustrate the "why" behind the connection make it easier to swallow - but I don't think our social media really encourages such detail and so on.
I think it's easy to be jaded about social media when a sizable percentage of people consider overlaying a flag on their profile picture a thoughtful act. Social media encourages frivolity and attention seeking. Of course that doesn't mean that many people aren't genuinely moved....I don't think our social media really encourages such detail and so on.
I'm not going to try and make you, or try and force you to get it but maybe it would help to put out some thoughts as to why I'm "grieving" (or, listening to his music all day. That's about it.) for someone I've never met. Bowie is one of those people that has had a profound impact and influence on a lot of peoples lives. He managed to become a mega-star while still being this meld of experimental and pop sensibilities and worked to bridge the gap between the two. His music is his legacy, and for a lot of people he's the reason they started playing an instrument or become deeply invested in music. Plus he was a total weirdo and who doesn't love that. Death isn't about personally knowing a person. It's about the impact someone had on you in your life and development.
Well said. I know it's odd, that we feel so much for people we never knew. Can't explain it really; but I wept when Nimoy died too, and I never knew him either. Those of you who aren't grieving - maybe just STFU for a day, ok? It's not about you.
I found out this morning and was sad all day, went down into my basement, strapped on my guitar and wailed the first two songs I ever learned how to play, both Bowie tunes. I haven't played with that much force in years, if ever. -I sort of scared myself. After that, I cried. I didn't cry because a friend of mine died, i cried because a great artist that had a tremendous impact on me's light went out. People are grieving his loss because of the impact his art had on them. This is a very beautiful thing. Ive only had this type of reaction to someone I didn't know dying twice before. Kurt Cobain and George Harrison. I harbor no illusions that I knew any of them but I certainly knew their work. -I DEFINITELY knew how their work related to me. So yeah, it's totally a normal thing to grieve the passing of an artist. It makes sense. Not sure how it couldn't.Those of you who aren't grieving - maybe just STFU for a day, ok? It's not about you.
this.
Are you sure?I'm not mocking (any of) you for your sadness
Someone you didn't know, and would never know, died. Welcome to every day.
Yeah, I thought about changing that because it sounds a little rude. However, it's also factual and one of the biggest issues i have about this. I feel like, although it might be comforting for the family to see this public outpouring of support, in some ways it could also come across as a little...offensive to people who actually knew the man in real life. Sometimes when we lose someone, it can seem like other people jump on the opportunity to grieve without having the same knowledge of them or relationship of them that we had, and that they are only pretending to a grief which we personally feel very strongly and intimately. Thinking about this aspect of it led me to leave my comment as it was. I realize many people feel as if they knew the man through his art, and that there are arguments to be made for the grief via that angle. I will leave this paragraph at that.
I just always think wouldn't it have made him really happy if we'd had a big outpouring of Bowie songs on facebook and nice articles and tributes from Paul McCartney like two days ago when he was alive? I mean, he knew he was cherished, that's not the issue. But it would've been cool to have a tribute with him rather than to him. I always think this about funerals when people come from far away to 'honor the dead' in cases where everyone knew they were gonna die soonish -- yeah, okay, funerals aren't for the dead guy they're for his survivors, whatever -- if we'd honored the soon to be dead last week we could've had an actual conversation with them...
I feel similarly, and thanks for sharing. I feel for his family as I'm sure they're devastated, just as the families of all the other people who died today are devastated. As I listen through the four Bowie albums I have on my iPod, they are the same albums today as they were yesterday. I'm glad he recorded them, and I'm glad I have them. But how I value them hasn't changed today. It may sound selfish, but David Bowie passing today won't impact my life, I think my reaction reflects that.