I don't even know anymore. Waking up at 3 am in a complete panic everyday for forever? Yeah, maybe that's it. Doesn't matter though. It doesn't end anyway. I once had a life. It had meaning. People actually felt better after being with me. Now? Now I can't even breathe sometimes, it hurts so bad. I'm only alive because I promised my rescued girl I'd never leave her. God, I'm so tired.
I don't know you. I don't know what you're going through. I do know what it feels like to get up, get back to... Not normal, but a functional equivalent. And then to get kicked down again. To get to your knees and be pushed down. To want to put a bullet through your skull just to get away from your own dark thoughts.I am struggling with a depression that continues to find new ways to express itself, even as I do battle with it. But I have survived every moment so far. And this exact one I'm in now isn't so bad. And I can think of some things I want to do in the future. I hope you feel some relief soon. I hope that you get some rest, and take good care of yourself if no one else is. If you're anywhere near Michigan, I'd gladly buy you a beer sometime and listen to whatever you had to say.