Ive been home since… Sunday. And I leave tomorrow morning. FUCK. That was absolutely not enough time. Sunday: I didn't get in until… 3pm? It was supposed to be 1am Saturday but then the airline fucked up and I was stuck in goddamn Syracuse overnight. Bright side, roomed with a pretty lady. Not as bright, nothing happened. Anyway, Sunday was mostly just tired from flying. Monday: I slept until 11pm and then went and had lunch at ye olde high school. It was cool seeing everyone, but most of my really good friends left, and I think the school will be gone in the next 5 years (or less). Teachers quitting, students leaving… yeesh. Rest of the day was getting back together with my drums. And watching movies with my parents. Tuesday: slept more. Got a haircut. Mostly chilled at home. Wednesday: "You're back!" party with friends, incl. my fellow graduate (who was also back!). Twister. Movies. Cuddling with ex??? I am still so not over her, fuck damn. Thursday (today): Thanksgiving with parents, fellow graduate and his family. About as fun as I could imagine Thanksgiving, I guess. Now tired. Tomorrow I fucking fly back already. FACDJDOWHEK JAJAUSO GAH I love college. Don't get me wrong. But two things: 1. I CAN'T STAND FLYING (which is a ridiculous sentence). I just get so tired, and there's so much socialing with airline people and TSA and all the strangers. Ugh. 2. God I'm gonna miss everyone. The best friend, the ex, the parents, my goddamn barber. Leaving again is going to be so painful I don't know what to do, guys. Maybe I'll get back and it'll just be ok. Although I also have a 10 page paper due Monday that I haven't started-- too busy loving being home. I kinda wanna cry. . . (jleopold maturity my ass [weak smile])
I get you man. I remember that when I was left at university for the first night I cried and texted my mum saying I wanted to come home. It took me a considerable amount of time to get settled in. It's the obvious advice, but just surround yourself with new friends, activities, and the things you love to do and it'll get easier. Take the emotional strain you're feeling as a sign of growth and not weakness. Just like getting better at a musical instrument inevitably involves times of frustration, anger, or desperation as you stretch your limits, so too does growing as a human.
Recently I went through my journals from my freshman year of college and the voice I wrote them in sounds very similar to you here. I felt divided between college and home. Old friends and new ones. Old girls and new girls. Comfort and newness. Responsibility and the lack thereof. That said, I loved flying and traveling. Much of my journal entries are from airport lounges or train cars. Good luck during the transition period. When you're living life, it's just life. Later, with perspective you recognize the gravity of certain moments and eras. For me, the age you are at was a big one. I was as insecure and confused as I hope I will ever be. Safe travels!
:( I feel for you. I'd talk about all the reasons that things'll work out fine, but I'm pretty sure you already know. Your Hubski friends will be here for you if you need them.