In the past (admittedly, the most outstanding examples of this are now from years ago) I have come across to certain people, who I respect and whose input and feedback I've greatly desired, as more interested in praise than their reception. While I have never felt this to be true, it's certainly true that I could have/probably did act(ed) in ways that made it easy for them to draw that conclusion. I get very enthused about my own work in certain blushes; after first writing, after successful revision, and so on. I tend to share the work that I'm most enthused about, which can sound to other people like "Look at this it's so great tell me how great it is!" instead of "Look at this I think it's great but I want you to tell me how it's not so I can stop being in love with it!"

The thing is that it is only the work I am most enthused about that I am going to ask for feedback on; that is because I do not want to waste precious feedback and peer review on mediocre works, but on something that I already feel represents "my best," and so which peer review can help me make into "even better than my best," as opposed to first "okay" and then "good," or maybe "great." The thing is also that when I love, I value more being told why not to love, than being coddled; I want to know the problems, I want to know the issues, and I know that my positive feelings blind me to those parts. I want to know the pitfalls of what I love, whether it's my own work or whether it's American Gods. At the end of the day I want my affection to be justified and if it's not I want someone to point out that I'm glossing over negatives as a result of being emotionally carried away.

I know that one could say, "well, stop caring so much how you come across to others," and I would say yes to this except - when it comes to colleagues and co-writers I very much value their opinion and input, and if I seem offputtingly smug to them, they are not going to want to give me that, or the rest of the time of day either.

Then, too, I have big dreams and big ideas of myself. I fall in love with some of my writing; I deserve to see it rejected a few times before it gets accepted anywhere, to keep me in line with reality. At the end of the day 12 publishers can reject a poem I love and if I still love it and don't think anything should be changed I won't. And it won't impact how much I love the poem - but it will make sure I vet the poem and believe it is strong enough to deserve that love.

It hurts to be rejected. It can feel pointless to run a blog that one suspects no one reads. But at the end of the day I think that the process, of submission and rejection, of writing researching posting and running a blog, is ultimately making me a better writer and a better person. That is why I think I should keep at it.

I will also say that I don't think we can help a certain amount of pride when we get positive feedback. That is kind of more what I am afraid of: positive feedback that isn't always justified or doesn't come from a place of knowledge, that would puff up my pride and ego to the extent that I might dismiss valid, educated negative feedback because I have a sheltering wall of shallow positives. I can't help feeling puffed up by positive remarks and I admit that. So that is the change or habit loop I am afraid of falling into that yes, I do think can easily be fallen into if not conscious monitored and tracked. We want what feels good. The best critiques don't feel good, I don't think. I mean, they can certainly discuss both positives and negatives, and do so in a kind, friendly, constructive manner - but unless you do not see yourself in your writing, I don't think you can help but be a little hurt by them sometimes.

I'll also admit at this point that I had an upbringing that probably really stressed humility and looked down on pride and that may be flavoring my approach as well.

I do need to take more ownership of my accomplishments at times. It's hard for me to brag, but as I'm applying to MFA programs this fall it's really kind of necessary. If I don't brag about what I've done no one will, and no one will know. I will not get into programs based on "polite" reticence. But I fear coming across as pompous proud or boastful. I am very used to a very quiet approach. It is hard to figure out how to be more loud.

I agree that one must learn to rely on one's own thoughts, feedback, voice, etc, at the end of the day, and that time alone and apart from critique is valuable for helping one become a better writer who trusts him or herself. But when I do get critique, I don't want to put someone off or make them feel they cannot be honest by my attitude.