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You're complaining about not having problems. You're willing to go to pretty serious lengths to feel sorry for yourself.
Well you see my e-penis has been taking a toll recently since I have no crippling disease or anything horrific, so I thought to myself: "How can I take my generally average life and make it somehow seem like I am the worst off and that you'd be racist if you said I was doing fine?"
How many layers of meta can we get here? I'm guessing a whole lot.