I am super insecure about my image and sensitive to feeling objectified (history of modelling and eating disorders doesn't help). A comment like "you've got beautiful eyes" makes me feel suddenly exposed - has this person been looking at me and judging me all this time? What else have they noticed and not commented on? Is it only my eyes that meet objective standards of beauty? If I didn't have nice eyes, would this person be ignoring me? etc. etc. However, the same comment phrased differently "I love looking into your eyes" or "your eyes make me feel gooey inside/like a kid again/insert-cheesy-phrase-here" will have a completely different effect on me. I will respond well, feel that the speaker is being honest, and be genuinely flattered. The difference is that the first comment is phrased objectively "you are x", whereas the second is more subjective "I feel x when I'm with you". Because it's subjective, my brain doesn't question it - I feel that the speaker is being completely sincere. Or something like that, anyway... it's sort of a difficult subject for me to articulate :/
Thank you for adding your perspective! Far too often, we forget that what we say to others is ALWAYS going to vary on how well it's received. Everyone's responses are shaped by their own personal journeys; all we can do is try our best and have a little empathy for each other. :)
Paying compliments is definitely a good thing! None of us get as many compliments as we should - in fact, we mostly get the opposite (I'm looking at you, advertising industry...). I think War's suggestion is an excellent one. I'm trying to put it into practice, in fact. My suggestion is simply that when in doubt, it can be helpful to phrase things subjectively in relation to how they make us feel, rather than calling on some sort of objective beauty/behavioral standards that might be misinterpreted. Incidentally, everyone on this thread makes me feel really happy and optimistic about the future of humanity :)
(was that OK?)
What are the best ways for a girl to respond to a compliment? ;)