ADHD can be really difficult, I get it. I suffer from it myself. I has put a strain on my academics, friendships and even my own personal happiness. That being said, I don't like most of the ADHD online community. It doesn't motivate or even support me, it makes me feel inept.
I don't mean to pick on reddit, but I sometimes feel like /r/adhd is a toxic and enabling community. They are a great "safe place" where people can vent about their struggles, but I can't browse there anymore because I feel as if they drag me down. I remember a specific thread that said how kids should not be punished. In the comments a grown ass 32 year old was saying how people must talk to them in a certain way or they will break down and cry. That can't be a good practice for that person, but yet this wasn't looked own upon there, it was just accepted. I don't get it at all. There is threads of people saying how they just can't do certain things, and how trying is not worth it.
I get where they are coming from, most of society does not understand our condition, most worth while doctors very expensive and the system is broken and easily abused. That being said, negativity is not the solution. Treating your kid like a special snow flake won't help.
I don't feel better among that group. See how they are okay with complacency and mediocrity just makes me sick. I know there is certain things about my condition I just won't be able to fix, but at least under stand it and work around it instead of enabling yourself. Sometimes we do need that type of unconditional support, but you can't linger in that "safe space" forever, if you want to do anything worthwhile their will be pain involved.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't this how "safe spaces" usually work? I have a little experience with them myself. I used to post on a forum for people who suffer from social anxiety, and the reason I ended up leaving was because we weren't allowed to say anything that might have upset other users. I understand the importance of being sympathetic and non-judgmental, but there's a limit to everything. Sometimes you need to be told that you're wrong, that you made a mistake, that you're lying, that there's something wrong with you. One of the advantages of this kind of communities is being among people who can understand and correctly interpret some of your feelings and behaviours that are almost undecipherable to everyone else. But instead of using this shared understanding to their advantage, to get better, most people seem content with staying as they are; self-pity and a sense of misplaced entitlement turn what could have been a place of healing into an echo chamber, where whining is rewarded and any kind of critical analysis is swiftly silenced. The more I learn about "safe spaces", the more "toxic and enabling" seems like an appropriate way to describe them.
I know a lot a people with ADHD (including myself) and most of them do not participate in ADHD communities because the disorder is not a big part of how they identify in life. They just accept and deal with their ADHD as best they can and get on with things. I have ventured in /r/adhd from time to time and even commented on posts, but mostly I don't feel like the community has anything to offer me. I don't need any support and I've accepted who I am, so I participate in other communities that actually interest me.
I was going to create a place like that but then I started learning to play guitar : ) Edit - Jokes. Sorry. I agree with you. I don't really like hanging out in groups where people go to vent or constantly rant about negative things.