Last night I dreamnt about a girl I haven't thought of in years. We grew up together in school. She was Homecoming Queen to my bestfriend our junior year. My bestfriend's girl. I was madly in love with her.
I would make her mixtapes and write her shitty love poems. Every party I'd hang on her every word. I'd play third wheel with her and my friend on hiking trips and cityhops. She was so beautiful. Not the hottest cheerleader in our class or something but beautiful in a better way. Her smile was so pure. She was smart and kind and a warm ember we all crowded around.
She knew how I felt about her and she never toyed with my emotions. We flirted with each other playfully by day and even more recklessly at night. I wanted her but I was just a shy druggie loner scared of his own shadow. Maybe if I'd stopped playing the fool for one party and told her how I truly felt I may have gotten a taste of that forbidden fruit.
Or maybe not. She was and is way out of my league. I looked her up and she just finished her Masters while teaching schoolchildren in South Africa, and she is as beautiful as I remember. Damn you Google. I hope she kept a mixtape.
Hubski, do you have any stories of burning crushes or loves lost? What ghosts haunt your dreams?
I just got engaged to an amazing woman, I'll call her L, that I met in High School 20+ years ago (Somewhere I have embarrassing pictures of L with @mk and @steve brooding in a corner that I won't be posting). I had a huge crush on her older sister and I spent so much time at her house I was of adopted by her mom, sort of like a stray dog. We became good friends, we were like family. After I graduated she moved away, I traveled, went to college and got married. My wife and I moved cross country and had a set of twins just shy of our 1st anniversary. We didn't have a lot of friends in this new town but L and her sister were going to college about 40 miles away. We started hanging out with them on a regular basis and renewed the friendship. L would drive up and hang out with my wife and kids. We all became close for the 2 years we lived there before moving back home. I lost touch with L for the next 14 years. By that point I had 3 more kids and was blindsided by a divorce. After my ex-wife moved out, she said she wanted me to be with a woman who could be make me happy, somebody like L. A year later I connected with L via social media and here we are almost a year later planning a wedding.
Okay, so i had a big crush on a teacher - like holy fuck stop it you are probably freaking this person out so much - and well, they must have known because they were very, very smart and amazing and i would just sit there hanging on to every word, not being able to concentrate in class because I could talk to this person. They had the most amazing stories too - like holy shit you did what . In Sweden the relationship between teacher and student is more casual to so they would eat with us in school and tell amazing stories. I mean, half my class was in love with her in some capacity - everyone would hang on to her every word and laugh at her jokes and try to impress her. Like it was embarrassing, but we were all doing it. But we were a nice class on this just meant she got a class that was VERY good at chemistry. I mean, we were the nicest class really, whenever our mentor was sick we would have like half the schools teachers want to jump in - maybe because they all seemed to love our teacher A LOT. Like, I understand why. There was a new teacher who was super young, 25 - like he just graduated - and they were flirting A LOT. Like when she went to talk to him she once said; "And when I come back i don't want to hear any rumors" and then realized what she had said and hurried out. (For context there is a teacher at the school who is basically the most beautiful person I've ever seen - like amazingly so - who had a really hard time teaching since most of the schools male population was drooling over her (including the teachers) it was the funniest thing ever to see my smart amazing (mostly male) teachers try to talk to her - they all acted as nervously as her students. And because teenage boys are dicks there was a persistent rumor that she had slept with a male teacher. This rumor had been going around for as long as she'd been at the school. And honestly? i think it might have been true. Those two had chemistry. But even if that was true? Shut the fuck up and mind your own business jerk-faces. She's an adult woman who sleeps with whomever she wants. And they were all convinced she was flirting with them. I mean, if she looked at them they would think she wanted to sleep with them because they were really good at projecting.) Ehrm... Where was I. Oh right. Flirting. People in my class were convinced they were sleeping together. And I was all "You know she has a daughter his exact age, right? And that she has been married to the same person for like 25 years? The woman has some self control people! She probably thinks he is cute in an adorable way, not in a weird slightly uncomfortable way.
I haven't met that teacher in 1 1/2 year by the way.
I still like her a weird amount though. I mean I have crushes on people my age to, but there is something about forbidden fruit isn't there?
You remember what you had to resist more.
Damn, how fine she was! Still staying so pretty and girly, when dressing in boy's clothes. And I loved the careless way she shaked her ass when walking : D. I wonder what she's up to now.Maybe if I'd stopped playing the fool for one party and told her how I truly felt I may have gotten a taste of that forbidden fruit.
When I did tell it my teen dream girl, she got scared and told that she doesn't feel comfortable meeting me anymore. But then I got totally carried away with thinking that move would do me any good - I played it much too fast, before our relationship started to get serious.
And indeed there will be time
To wonder, “Do I dare?” and, “Do I dare?”
Time to turn back and descend the stair,
With a bald spot in the middle of my hair —
(They will say: “How his hair is growing thin!”)
My morning coat, my collar mounting firmly to the chin,
My necktie rich and modest, but asserted by a simple pin —
(They will say: “But how his arms and legs are thin!”)
Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse. For I have known them all already, known them all:
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;
I know the voices dying with a dying fall
Beneath the music from a farther room.
So how should I presume?
In my first year of university, I met an amazing woman. Smart, funny, gorgeous. I was incredibly awkward at the time, but somehow managed to start a conversation with her (or maybe she started it with me - that's more likely). I added her on Facebook as soon as I got home (somehow that didn't seem creepy to me at the time). We chatted for a while on Facebook, and I thought something might happen between us, but it never did. Looking back on some things she said, I think she might have been flirting with me and I completely missed it. I was so afraid of being awkward, or misinterpreting a signal that I probably came off as uninterested. Two years later, she unfriended me on Facebook (probably because we hadn't talked or seen each other in forever), and I haven't been in contact with her since. I actually developed a lot of crushes in university. I'd lived a socially deprived life, so at that time, if a woman I liked paid the slightest bit of attention to me I became convinced that we should be together. For some reason though, I didn't want anyone to know how I felt about them, so I never showed the slightest interest. Looking back now, I had no real basis for most of my crushes other than "Hey! She spoke to me!". It wasn't a healthy place to be. I just had a really promising first date from OkCupid two nights ago, and I'm terrified that I'll either seem uninterested in her, or seem too interested and she won't want to see me again. I can picture a little gauge in my head. Like this, but labelled "Creep factor", and I can't figure out where the needle is pointing. https://imgur.com/qYPkMJn
Of course, it's also possible that she's just not interested in me, regardless of what I do, or that regardless of what I do, she's still interested in me. I'm bad at people, and more than a little nervous.
We were strangers many hours And I missed you for so long When we were lions, lovers in combat Faded like your name on those jeans that I burned But I am older now And we did it when we were young I am older now And we did it when we were youngAnd I cannot hold a candle for every pretty gun
I was really attracted to this girl in my degree program who I didn't know but had a bad reputation for being whiny and not a hard worker. I wooed her a bit one day because I'm funny and she was taking pictures of us building a sculpture. We decided to hang out and she picked me up after class with one of her friends in the back seat. Her friend, Giovanna was physically pretty much exactly my type but she didn't say much and Jessica was already interested so I didn't think too much about that decision. The relationship with Jessica was a train wreck. I'm pretty prickly anyway and she was a basketcase in private so there was a lot of shouting. She was neurotic and irrationally insecure. Giovanna was actually very confident despite my first impression of her in the car when she seemed to be very bummed out. She was inquisitive, could be vulnerable and receptive in moments despite usually being self assured most of the time. We ended up hanging out a fair bit and clicked much better in my mind. I don't know if she had any feelings for me. She might have just been very nice to me on account of her friend. You start to intrude on a friendship and it's a different situation than two people interacting. I'm pretty sure she knows how I felt. I danced around it a few times talking to her and I made a little sculpture for her pretty well out of nowhere. She's married now.
Got one girl that popped into my life in highschool and never really left. We've dated off and on since, but we just live too far away and can't afford to see each other regularly. So we've pretty much just been friends since, waiting for things to align.