My most terrifying bug encounter happened during my college days - sophomore year. I was living in NYC in a shithole "duplex" in west village. Our apartment covered the first floor and basement the back door from the basement was next to a sushi restaurant's back door. Luckily, we were pretty routinely sprayed for bugs so usually I only found a dead roach every month or so. We made sure to keep our place very clean.

I was living with a 22 year old, straight, male actor. Very hipster. His prescription glasses were Ray Bans. Also, I'm a girl.

It's about 9pm on a Friday and I'm drunk. I was downstairs in my room and pull myself away from my online activities to take a much needed piss. I sit down on the toilet. Suddenly BAM ping pong ping pong - there is a GIANT FLYING ROACH-SPIDER HOPPING/COLLIDING around my tiny NYC bathroom. The way the bathroom was set up the toilet sat in a little nook with tile walls on both sides. Imagine that shit ping ponging around your face as you are taking a drunk piss.

So, naturally, I fall out the bathroom door, screaming, still pissing, making a mess all over myself and the floor. My roommate's bedroom was the door right next to the bathroom door and I was hoping he would rescue me. Instead he says, "What's going on?"

"What's going on?!?!? I'M BEING ATTACKED BY A HUGE FLYING SPIDER ROACH AND I'M ABOUT TO DIE AND YOU NEED TO SAVE ME!"

I hear nothing from him. And then, a muffled moaning from his shitty computer speakers. He's fapping. He's fucking fapping while I'm about 2 seconds from being killed. I pull up my pants and, about 4 octaves higher than my already annoyingly female voice, "There's a huge bug flying around in the bathroom."

Silence.

"Well where is it?"

"In the bathroom."

"Okay..."

I give up. I headed downstairs to take a valium, chain smoke a couple cigarettes, continue drinking, and tell all my internet buddies about my adventure.

10 minutes pass. My heart beat has returned to normal. And then I hear, thump thump BANG SMASH… CRASH SLAM! I race upstairs to find my roomie, in his tight little Hulk briefs, still with a semi from the fap session, sitting on the floor looking terrified. I chastise myself for leaving my phone downstairs. That would be a photo. He looks up at me and says "I found your bug."

After a lot of nervous laughter, a mission for a cup and a notecard, a lot of psyching ourselves up, two shots of vodka each, and an embarrassingly large amount of squealing we brave the bathroom. A couple of tries and a lot of screeching and we've managed to capture the thing. This cup is a normal sized plastic cup. Fuck everything about this thing. Apparently, it's a cricket. Or the Cloverfield monster.

So now we are both still dressed in nighttime clothes. For him, shirtless with superhero briefs. For me, a pair of bootyshorts and a white wifebeater. Now that we have it captured we have to do something with it. Still not thinking clearly and embarrassingly focused on screeching, we hop / run out the front door of our apartment, down the hallway, outside the apartment building and onto a very busy NYC street. We hesitate to let the crowd of drunks walk by us and promptly throw the bug, cup and notecard as far as we possibly can. Once the dust had settled, we were standing on the street, half naked, realizing neither of us had grabbed our keys.

TL;DR: my roomie and I are pussies & I met the cloverfield monster