A few days ago I made this post in which I had a particular complaint:
- I hate how Facebook handles messages. I end up refreshing, waiting for the "Seen" status, but it never comes. I don't know what I did wrong, but apparently I can't talk to him, which sucks since I've spent the better part of the year trying to figure out how to. A weird thought, given he spent the last year or two telling me I could talk to him any time, and trying to show me how friends actually communicate.
I have some issues with anxiety. Nothing serious, but I get nervous. My hands shake to the point where I can’t hold things or type. I start thinking at a million miles an hour. I jump to the worst things I can think of.
Facebook’s messaging exacerbates this. Regular posting doesn’t really, but then again I rarely post on Facebook. And, to be honest, don't care much about the 150 Facebook friends I have (had). By tonight, I'd unfollowed nearly all of them, and FB became a NYT and WSJ feed occasionally punctuated by the few people I like interacting with.
Ten months ago I turned Facebook back on, it was January 2nd. I turned it back on because a (the same) particular friend of mine persuaded me to rejoin it and come out publicly. Four months before that in September, I’d deactivated it.
I deactivated it largely because I identified it as being detrimental to my mental health. I deactivated it because I wanted to put some distance between myself and that same friend. No, distance isn’t the right word. I didn’t want Facebook to tell me how I should feel about what was happening. And it was, in a way. I’d become trained to respond in certain ways to profile picture changes, or him liking my statuses, or other things are are completely and utterly meaningless.
It was pathetic, and it bothered me.
Lately, the same thing’s been happening. I’ll send a message to someone, and they don’t open it. Why not? Did they not see it? Did they ignore it? Did I piss them off? What did I do wrong? Did someone talk to them? Holy fucking piss I told them not to mention me around them, what happened? How do I fix it? Is it even worth fixing? I should just leave.
I’m plenty capable of all of that negative thinking without Facebook helping out.
I don’t like texting or “device” oriented communication in general, not for person-to-person stuff. I love talking to people in person. I love the sound of voices, I love hearing stories and I love telling them. I love all of that. I even enjoy public speaking, be it telling stories to classrooms of people, or giving position statements in Model United Nations, or presenting things to groups.
When my friend and I were in Chicago, as frigid as it was that December/January, we walked around a lot. I love walking and talking. I like useless banter. I tell people I hate conversations without a purpose, but I don’t know why I say that, since it’s bullshit. I like talking to people.
I don’t like talking to people through a keyboard. My best friend and I chat just about every night or so on IRC, and it doesn’t matter there because we’ve developed a tone of voice. I don’t know how, but it developed there. It hasn’t developed with anyone else.
Nothing annoys me more than being out and about with someone and seeing them attached to their screens. The impulse to constantly check Facebook and texts to see what’s happening. I can’t stand it. It kills shared experiences. If I go to the movies with someone, I want to go with them, not them and their screen. My hatred for it probably stems from insecurities and the need to be good enough for the people around me, the need to not be boring. I see the screens as proof that I’m neither good enough, nor interesting.
That may be true, or it may be not, either way it’s all in my head. And either way, it doesn't really matter.
Back to the point.
There are a few articles about Facebook messages (and broader textual communications) and anxiety.
NYT: Texting Anxiety Caused by Little Bubbles
HuffPost: Social Media is Causing Anxiety, Study Finds
Is Facebook creating “iDisorders”?
The anxiety makes it hard for me to talk to my friends. My one friend in particular. Because I know it’s going to be such an arduous process - thinking of something to send, working up the courage to send it (which can take weeks, sometimes months), wondering when the best time to send it so that I don’t annoy him, actually sending it (almost always done in a panicky 'just get it over with' manner), and the worst part: waiting for a reply. Once the reply comes, it’s a much easier process, but even then it’s stressful because of the ‘seen’ and ‘online’ prompts.
None of that is normal. None of that should be happening. It certainly shouldn’t be happening with a friend whose never given me any reason to fear him.
For a few days, I tried altering Facebook’s CSS using Stylebot, and that worked. A combination of other extensions took away most of the issues. But another thought came about. Facebook is a free website that exists specifically to advertise to me. Why am I going to so much trouble to make it less painful for me?
So, a few minutes ago I deactivated my Facebook account for the second and, very probably, last time. I technically have a Twitter account, but I’ve pretty well blocked that off as well, simply because the medium doesn’t appeal to me.
I wrote this mainly because, having talked to my friend and having worked on a new project today, I’m in one of my clearer moods. I’ve learned to take advantage of them while they’re around, and writing a post on Hubski is about all I could do at 1AM.
Hubski, what are your thoughts on social media and how it’s shaping interaction in this generation? Have any of you experienced anxiety issues with Messaging and other textual mediums? How have your experiences differed from mine?