This is all great but... How? Every time someone has given this advice, I've asked, "How?" The answer is almost inevitably, "Just do it." I'm sure everyone who gives advice like this means well, but what are the "next ten words" to use the phrase from the West Wing? There's no "just do it" - there has to be a strategy. So what's the strategy?1. Have realistic expectations. If you expect yourself to be perfect all the time you will be constantly disappointed in yourself. Judge yourself in terms of your own growth.
2. Have a realistic perception of yourself. Beware of inaccurate feedback from others who need to put you down in order to build themselves up.
3. Be especially aware of old perceptions of yourself. Don’t let your eight-year-old self be telling you who you are now.
4. Stop comparing yourself to others.
5. Stop putting yourself down. Build yourself up with affirmations. Whether speaking about your appearance, your career, your relationships or any other aspect of your life, avoid self-deprecating comments. Instead of saying, “I’m such an idiot,” say, “I’m so human.”
In my case, the strategy is the rest of the course I'm teaching. It involves examining and evaluating one's current perceptions, self-esteem, and interactions with others. If those behaviours are not effective in helping you achieve goals, then there are other ways of behaving that might be more effective. The "how" involves public speaking exercises, role-playing activities, improv and so on. There's a "how". For example, I have a unit I wrote on self-esteem. It's activities that explore who you are and where your ideas of yourself came from. It's a tool for self-understanding. The how involves observing the messages you are sending yourself now and questioning those messages. It has many elements of cognitive behaviour therapy in the context of a course. Ok - How? How do you get realistic expectations. What does "realistic" mean? Consider your past performance and set a goal that is slightly better than that. Failure lowers your self-esteem, but "failure" in many cases is a label people put on themselves when they fail to achieve an unrealistic goal. Each of the items can be translated into a specific to-do list for people -- but it does involve a certain amount of self-monitoring.