Yesterday, I had an interesting discussion with a friend. He's one of those people who can fake a smile for the lenses in a split second. We were talking about pictures of mutual friends when the discussion shifted to me and my dearth of pictures. He thinks it's sad that I am camera-averse because he foresees it will be very difficult for me to reminisce once I get older. And so I began to think about why I avoid getting my pictures taken in the first place:
1. I am very conscious of my appearance. It bothers me a heck lot when I see random dirt or lint on people and so I sometimes spend an accumulated half an hour a day fixing myself in front of the mirror. And I don't usually look perfect in photos.
2. I think pictures are unfair in that they can stretch an ungraceful instant into an eternity. And I'm a rather clumsy person.
3. Pictures are dangerous in that a single picture of you chugging beer up your behind can permanently rob you of job prospects.
4. I also worry about the things people can do with a single photo. I have seen people's addresses found because of a lanyard they were wearing when the photo was taken or a sticker at the back of their car. And I feel really uncomfortable not knowing what people know about me.
And then I realised all of these cannot wholly account for my overwhelming aversion to having my pictures taken. Now I'm at a tipping point and I need a nudge.
I have grown socially very quickly these past few weeks because I have been forcing myself to participate in my uni's activities. And part of me thinks that shedding my camera shyness is a step in the right direction. So Hubski, why should I force myself to appear in pictures?
Repeat after me: nobody gives a shit. Try again: nobody gives a shit. Your objections boil down to control - you can't control your image properly and you don't want to give others control over your life. Thing of it is, you'll never be able to control your image properly and you'll never be able to prevent others from interfering in your life the way you're afraid. But... and I mean this: Nobody gives a shit. Nobody gives a shit that you spend a half hour in front of the mirror every day. NOBODY. Nobody is looking at you that close, and they never will. I love my wife dearly but I have never scrutinized her that closely even on our wedding day. If she spent half an hour in front of the mirror every morning I might just love her less. Nobody gives a shit about ungraceful instants. They laugh at funny faces. Those funny faces will occasionally be yours. Welcome to the human race. Nobody gives a shit about your private pecadillos until you run for office. Then, they'll use whatever they can. If they can't find anything, they'll make shit up. That said, using "I don't want anyone taking a picture of me with a lighbulb in my anus" as an excuse for "I don't want anyone taking a snapshot of me in slacks and a t-shirt" is pathological. Nobody gives a shit where you live, what you drive, what level you are in Ingress or how many Facebook friends you have. Sure - piss someone off on the Internet and they'll find all sorts of things to stalk you with. But you know what? If they're finding you on a friends' facebook or whatever you're already fucked so let it go. It doesn't really have much to do with photos - that's a whole 'nuther discussion. But you've got a big hangup about your place in the world. For your own mental health and personal advancement, try to imagine caring about your friends as much as you are imagining they're caring about you. You'll be exhausted just thinking about it. Let it go. Or try to. You'll find yourself caring a lot less about photos, and caring a lot more about shit that actually matters.
You should force yourself out of the negative thought patterns that make you so camera shy. I don't think forcing yourself to appear in pictures is really going to change much, at least not as much as focusing on the underlying thought processes. 1. Being conscious of your appearance isn't the same as being constantly worried about your appearance or feeling uncomfortable whenever you don't "look perfect." I'm conscious of my appearance in that I pay attention enough to notice my hair looking particularly funny or if there's a conspicuous stain on my clothes, or if my shirt got partially tucked in when I put my pants on, stuff like that. I'm aware of how other people see me and what kind of 'presence' I project with the way I look. It doesn't mean I constantly worry about looking perfect. Looking perfect all the time simply isn't a reasonable goal, and letting it cause you anxiety simply isn't a healthy way to live. 2. Being clumsy is fine. Ungraceful moments don't define a person. Pictures of ungraceful moments don't define a person in anybody's mind. It's something to laugh about, not something that should cause you anxiety. Nobody is going to take your goofy photo and do anything malicious with it, and at worst they can make you look clumsy (which you say is something true either way). 3. . . . what? 4. Who do you think cares enough about you to do this? If a person wants to find out where you live and do something malicious random pictures of you on the internet are the last thing you need to worry about. Anybody who can find your name can find your address, it's public record, and there are easier ways to find a person's name than through the lanyards they use. All of these seem totally unreasonable fears to me. They also only apply to crazily specific circumstances, not at all to having your picture taken in general. They do all seem to share a common theme, though, which I'm sure you can figure out for yourself and that you don't need people telling you of.
Of course your shouldn't force yourself to appear in pictures. What might be useful for you is to work on what makes you so uncomfortable with the idea and maybe when that's clearer, you might even find that you'd like to be in certain pictures. Yes, you have your list of reasons why you think you don't want your picture taken, but talking to someone might help you understand the underlying causes of that behavior and how that exerts influence on your life in other ways.
For number 3 I would recommend not chugging a can of beer with your behind in the first place. Drinking (at least once you're 21) in an appropriate manner likely won't, and should not, cost you your job or a shot at a job. Of course appropriate is subjective, but I get the feeling this isn't a pressing problem for you.
I think the pictures are irrelevant. What I read into here is that your camera shyness comes from a sense of being ashamed of yourself in some way. A bit of TMI that helps me explain my point - I had a very large beard for a very long time. Indeed, I was quite proud of my beard and its dishevelled appearance. Then I realized something - I had stopped looking in the mirror. Almost immediately, I asked myself why I didn't look in the mirror, and the answer was that I didn't like what I saw. Indeed, I hated what i saw there. As is expected, that lead to some serious introspection and and self-examination, and forced me to come to terms with some things I'd been grappling with for a long time. It also lead to me shaving my beard. I don't mean to assume that you are not a self-examining person, or that you have some deep-seated shit you need to deal with, But I do think that asking yourself why looking "clumsy" (indeed, how exactly DOES one look clumsy? what do you see?) is something that you are ashamed of seeing in a photograph of yourself. I also think reason #3 is not a thing that you are really that worried about, but is a stand-in for other more interior reasons to not want your picture taken. I think that it's a beard to cover up things you either don't want to say or don't want to admit. If you're responsible enough to worry about #3, then it's unlikely you'll be irresponsible enough to be caught in a position where you're too drunk to know not to have your picture taken and put online for millions to see. #4 is a reasonable thought taken to the extreme. is telling however, mostly because I think I've used the same excuse to distance people from the parts of myself that I hated or was uncomfortable with. As someone once said to me - you don't have to love yourself. Try not hating yourself first.I feel really uncomfortable not knowing what people know about me
I'm inclined to agree with thenewgreen. There's no reason to force yourself to appear in pictures. There will be many pictures of you (student card, drivers licence.) It's hard to not be in pictures. I avoid having my picture taken when I can. My reason is a version of your #2.
When I'm out with some friends and I feel camera-shy I just wear a mask. Practice and repetition prevent clumsiness or mistakes. Wear a plain black hoodie over any accessories you might need. Ride a stolen bike for mobility without risking dissemination of any information on your vehicle. My social life might be a bit different from yours
We were sitting around the table having dinner when my father suggested that kids nowadays have more photos taken of them at one of their birthday parties than he did for his entire childhood. My guess is that you'll end up with approximately the same number of photos of yourself that my father now has. He seems to have no problem reminiscing his childhood and younger years with fondness. So, I think you'll be alright in that regard.He thinks it's sad that I am camera-averse because he foresees it will be very difficult for me to reminisce once I get older.
I recently spent a week with my family back in Michigan. While there, I took many photos of my children. My mom took even more photos of them and my sister did as well. I wouldn't be shocked if there were 500-1000 photos taken of them that week. So Hubski, why should I force myself to appear in pictures?
-I don't think you should.