Re #3: I have heard a lot of people say, "We should be together. We'd be perfect together. -- I think that's what you mean by "looks on paper." I'll get back to you on this question.
I just got out of a relationship that started that way. Yep, if neither of you are interested it doesn't matter how good people think you would be together. It just won't work.
That's true, but to be honest it was a rash decision on my part. We had just started hanging out again and people had been suggesting it, so I figured why not try it. Who knows, maybe we hang out more over this year and feelings change.
Sort of. This realization came after my ex had said that she felt like we were really not that similar - I wanted to try to reason with her and explain that superficial similarities didn't have to make or break a relationship (b/c we had initially connected through sort of our worldviews, which happened to come up in a discussion before we really knew each other that much), but I realized that trying to rationalize why the relationship could still work would be ineffective because she just didn't believe in us.
Thank you for realizing this. When I get back to DE this weekend I have to have a discussion with someone about why I do not want to continue dating him. (For the record: We have been on three dates. I don't think three dates merits this discussion, but clearly, he does.) I plan on saying "I am not interested in continuing to date you because I do not like you." Despite this very truthful, very blunt statement, I anticipate that he is going to argue with me. If someone doesn't want to be with you - accept that. Please, for the love of god, people, accept it.
Blech.... Why can't people take rejection with a little more grace? If I am not digging your already why the hell do you think I'll dig you if you make it hard as hell to tell you to go away? The only people I've dated that took breaking up well were one's I actually liked but knew it wasn't going to work out. Good luck with the three date breakup.
ref: I prefer to say "it's not the right thing for me." -- which is also true without being cruel. Gradually escalate as necessary.... Let's call him "Blinky" just for fun. Cell Phone: "boom chukka lukka lukka, boom chukka" -- "Hello" Hey Ref - I'm glad you're back. Let's get together. "Hey Blinky, thanks for calling. I've been thinking about us a lot and decided that seeing you is not the right thing for me." What are you talking about? We're perfect for each other. "It's really just not the right thing for me right now." Look ref, let's just give it another chance. Let's just hang out at the house tonight. I'll cook dinner. "Thanks Blinky, but -- it's -- not -- the -- right -- thing for me. ( alittle firmer). But . . . "Bye now." click. good luck
Within three weeks of knowing me this guy made me the generous offer of allowing me to fund his marijuana grow operation. With my, and I quote, "big girl job." When I declined he told me i would regret this. when I declined I told him I had no interest in seeing him further. he still doesn't understand - refuses to understand - why I am not interested in continuing to see him. He doesn't deserve subtlety, lil, he deserves to be hit on the head with a shovel because apparently this is the only way he will accept my point. The question becomes: why am I even acquiescing to this meeting at all? He has some physical possessions of mine but nothing very important - I think. I am not sure. He keeps making reference to "documents" I left at his house. I am pretty sure they will turn out to be bar receipts - but not totally. So I am meeting him on my (public) turf. I am going to hit him over the head and see if he still persists and when he does, I will hit him over the head again. The truth is that he has made me seethingly angry and part of me wants to put that out on him a little bit. So he wants to see me so badly? Fine. Let him see me, and I'll make sure he never wants to see me again.
My life is a horror story. This person has now texted me telling me he is going to be catching a train to Virginia on Monday...just like me! He wants to know when my train is scheduled so we can ride together. I have not spoken to him since Monday when I told him I was not sending him mixed signals by ignoring his invitations to come over on Sunday night, and also that I would see him this upcoming weekend when he could give me my things and I would give him a piece of my mind. Immediately before that I told him I was two inches away from blocking his number. Immediately before that I was yelling at him. I will now be taking the train that requires me to wake up at 4 AM because I don't care, I'm not sitting next to or near this motherfucker for five hours. Clearly he expects our conversation this weekend to go completely the opposite way that it will. It makes me wonder what his last relationship was like that he so completely disregards my anger and emotions. It makes me wonder how the hell it lasted two years.
Nope, I managed to find someone ever crazier. I've decided to temporarily retire. I'm going to kick this guy's butt to the curb, block his number, and then actively refuse all advances for a while. I feel like I'm on a dating tailspin and I really don't want to find out what's worse, or more obnoxious, than this one.
Now hold on a minute. Clearly your dating makes for some very interesting stories. Maybe you should just keep going and have a blog for seeing just how ridiculous these Delaware men can be. It's like the old parable of walking in to seeing the dog shaping your baby's head on the pottery wheel. You should stop him... but let's see where he's going with this.
lil, can you clarify what is meant by "relationship" - i.e., when you (believe you) have both accepted titles of "boyfriend/girlfriend," or when monogamy vs. non-monogamy is discussed and agreed upon, or etc? When terms are set? My last long-term relationship, or my last one-night stand? (I figure most people learn more about themselves from the former than the latter.)
You define. If the last one-nighter led to an icky feeling, we'll learn that maybe we're not the one-night stand type. If the one-nighter led to a great enduring friendship, we learn that we're a good judge of character. We potentially learn from everything. Mostly I had in mind a break-up that creates some painful feelings -- as in -- I don't want to feel this way again -- what can I take away from this, what can I learn that will help me make future choices? Is that any clearer?