So I'm a white male, mid 30's and I encountered Kane on twitter before as she has had several relatively well known arguments with various tech people that I know. She does overreact, she makes her anger visible which causes people to react to the fact that she is angry rather than looking at what it is she is angry about. She is a controversial character and some in the community dismiss her and refuse to interact with her in anyway due to her use of profanity. But. She is not writing about things that affect me or things I have ever encountered. I would like to believe we are all equal but that is obviously not true and if she, in anyway, improves the situation for women within the IT sector then I hope she continues calling 'Bullshit' whenever she sees it. I don't think she is able to look at things in a non gender specific way and she probably sees sexism or discrimination in almost everything she interacts with but its quite possible that she will help to create a more equal society despite the fact she will be unable to recognize it herself.
This is something I wanted to bring up in my first reply but couldn't really find the words for. Later you mention: So here's the thing. At some point in your life whether or not you are a part of these groups in society it is inevitable you start noticing the big offenses, so to speak. Things that are by and large universally recognized as unacceptable. A person was assaulted. A person was denied treatment. These don't happen to everyone (though are honestly more widespread than most want to believe) and not usually to you or someone you know, so it's easy to detach yourself from the people that are affected and focus more on "the issue" - which is sort of a misnomer and brings us things like "reverse racism" and MRAs. But I digress... Then something happens. You start noticing these peculiar little behaviors that are difficult for everyone else to see. These usually take the form of slight insults, intentional or not, and they can come from anywhere. One of your friends calls someone a bitch or a pussy in your presence. Being talked over by the guys in the group. Men start taking up more room in buses for some reason. Waiters talk to you last. And it's these things that people don't notice, because they are learned behaviors that are so ingrained in our society so as to be seen as innocuous if not completely normal. Lest we forget the classic, "I'm not sexist. Some of my best friends are women!" or "I don't see you as a woman, you're just another person." Unsurprisingly, you can replace all forms of "woman" in these examples with "black " or "gay", "sexist" with "racist" or "homophobic", and hopefully you start seeing the pattern. This is when it starts becoming hard to talk about, and you start getting frustrated. Bringing me to my point: most people don't realize it, but there actually is sexism and discrimination in almost every interaction in our lives, big or small - if you're a woman or another minority, that is. How much of people telling you what happens to you isn't really a problem in spite of these lived experiences until you start getting mad?She is not writing about things that affect me or things I have ever encountered.
she probably sees sexism or discrimination in almost everything she interacts with
This is for you, too, longstocking, but I'm calling out nowaypablo because I want him to see it. Pabst, remember how I told you I called a guy a sexist pig at a 4th of July barbecue? I was trying to leave the BBQ with my brother and a female friend. I had driven there, but then drunk quite a bit. I still had my keys in my possession, however as I possess a remote key I can have the keys in my possession and as long as I'm sitting in the car, anyone can drive. Additionally, these keys were not visible. As we were leaving - I suppose I was leading my brother and friend through the house to leave - a tall guy stepped in front of me and told me I wasn't driving. I said "OK, I'm not driving," and kept walking. The guy continued to step in my way, refusing to let me leave. I didn't see what his issue was, as I had two people with me and I knew one of them was fine to drive. It was clearly visible that these two people were with me and were leaving with me. I actually don't even know why this guy assumed I was driving except that I was leading the way. My friend and my brother both stepped up. My friend said "That's okay, she's not going to drive," and asked me to give her my keys. I did so. The guy continued to refuse to let me leave. My female friend said "Look, it's fine, there's two of us here, one of us is okay to drive, it's okay" to the guy. He kind of talked over her. But then my tall, good-looking brother spoke up. "That's fine," he said. "It'll be fine." The guy looked at him and said "OK, you can drive." And that's when I said "Excuse me, you sexist pig, are you really saying he's fine to drive but she's not? You're a fucking asshole." Because you know what? Less than an hour ago I'd done two back-to-back shots with my brother. He'd had at least three beers (as had I). While he was a male and had a higher tolerance, I knew my brother was on his way to drunk. I was already pissed off at this random dude because hell, I hadn't seen him around the party, there was no way he knew how much I had had to drink so who was he to tell me I couldn't drive? (Regardless of whether it was true.) But on top of this, now, he was standing there ignoring my female friend who had had 3 beers over the course of 3 hours and was good to drive, my female friend who was telling him everything was fine. He refused to listen to two women but as soon as a drunk man spoke up and appeared to "fix" the situation, this other male was willing to stand down. I feel like that is a great example of the small sexism that most people don't notice. This guy didn't have context and knowledge that i did but he still felt comfortable telling me who could drive my car when I left to leave a party - sexist thing #1 - and then he chose the male over the female for no perceivable reason and, indeed, when the male was not legal to drive. Guy was a fucking douche, man.Then something happens. You start noticing these peculiar little behaviors that are difficult for everyone else to see. These usually take the form of slight insults, intentional or not,
I appreciate the concrete example of personal experiences with the types of problems that don't make national news, what longstocking called "peculiar little behaviors that are difficult for everyone else to see". If I encountered this type of shit, I'd be just as justifiably pissed as you were. But hey, we've gotta come with some synonyms/alternatives to "sexist pig". ...Misogynistic masterbator? Womanizing shit snorter? Chick dissing cheapskate? Please, all contributions welcome.
Fuck him. He's an ignorant, megalomaniac sack of shit. You should have driven your car straight into his tiny nuts, then swerved a bit and giggled "oops! i guess i shouldn't drive!" There's people like that everywhere Emiller (i'm working on it, goin' off Pabst), best not let it hang over you.
You could start calling me "Brogs Broganator" after Troegs Troegenator. Look at me doxxin' myself. Whatever, I link to my website in my bio. Anyway, "Brogs" and "Broganator" are very common nicknames for me IRL. Downside is it's a bit of a mouthful. I will also accept e-Miller though.
I went to college on an Athletic Scholarship for football, one of my HS friends went to the same college, only he was in the band. To say those band members treated me like shit would be an understatement. Should I also run around telling everyone about how terrible and downtrodden I was? I've had men tell me specifically they were scared of me because I'm a fairly large individual, and I guarantee you it affects the way both men and women react to me. Should I spend my time feeling victimized for it? When your point boils down to "there are always interactions that have some sort of bias, but it's nothing huge", then you have no point. We all deal with bullshit. ALL OF US. Being tall, being short, being fat, being ugly, being blonde or brunette, being the child of a rich parent, it all affects the way we interact with people socially, and the way they interact with us. But we don't go on crusades about how terrible it is, most people just fucking deal with it. outright anti-female bias is a problem, the issue is that it isn't the problem people like Shanley Kane are actually trying to fight. And the answer to the article title is the following: no, you don't speak up every. single. time. because when you don't pick and choose your fights, you spread yourself to thin to effectively do anything.