Damn, frikking great commentary here. I'm in remission after having lymphoma for 2.5 years. I've thought about dying pretty much every day, and in a real practical sense not just a "what-if". I've set up google inactive account manager to alert friends and family to my "secret caches" to unlock my digital life and leave directions to make things easier for those cleaning up after me. That went a long way towards peace of mind. This has changed me in an unexpected way. How can one be optimistic about the future when you know you're going to die? How does anything you do matter? It's enough to make me wish I could swallow the stories put out by one or another religion. One thing that keeps me going is my children: my children are my immortality, not just for my genetics but for my attitudes and knowledge. I need to stay alive for them. Even though I know the entire world will be gone someday, that enough for me, it's enough "scope". And so I try to make something of myself. Put as much into the world as I can before I go. And hope that I can leave behind enough good stuff to help my kids, and maybe other kids too. Life. It sucks. But it's the only game in town. If you don't play, you get nothing. And I want something. I want it bad.
Kudos, Mike. My kids keep me going - wanting to better myself and give something to the world - and they are the ones that will be dying on me; or so says the world of medicine. I refuse to give up hope, however, and appreciate your honesty. When you know how badly life can suck, you cherish those peaceful, joyful moments all the more. Your kids have a great dad!