I was denied entry to a public event a few weeks ago and was not supplied with a reason. So here's the story. My business partner and I were going to a mining convention - an industry that has historically been dominated by conservative males. We were dressed... pretty frumpily, to be honest. I had a sweater and jeans (I look student-aged, so I was passable) while by business partner had a black SPACE t-shirt and a backpack. At the ticket booth, there was a guy in a suit behind the woman selling exhibition-only passes (advertised as open to the public) who whispered a few things to her. When my business partner got his turn to buy a pass, she said "I'm sorry, we cannot let you in." Now he's actually a pretty well respected guy in mining research despite his appearance. Two masters degrees from the school that was in part sponsoring the event, in fact. Still denied entry. When he asked why, we received no answer and we were bounced out by another guy in a suit. Very strange. Day 2 we returned in suits, armed with business cards, and AGAIN the woman at the booth said no. She said it was out of her control and that her superior made the decision. We demanded to speak with him. So he came and spoke with us and we explained that we were there to network and do business. We showed him our cards, and he apologized. He thought the day before that we were environmental activists who were going to protest the speech that was being made in the next room. I informed him that there was no dress code specified for the event, and we thought it was open to visitors. That was in fact true. To make up for it, he comped our tickets AND gave us VIP passes to the event, which actually turned out to be quite helpful. I learned a lot in those 48 hours, and I'm not sure if all of it is expressible here. Certainly I got a more accurate view of myself and it has sharpened my self-perception. Sometimes another's assumptions useful for your own self-realization.What about in the face-to-face world? Has anyone made a hurtful wrong assumption about you based on a false interpretation?
I dress differently when shopping for high-ticket items depending on whether I want the lampreys to suck my face or for them to edgily wait for me to leave. Walking into Definitive Audio with a long-ass ponytail and BDUs on gets you a very different response than slacks, a $40 t-shirt and a Brooks Brothers jacket. Either can be useful.
Your story has a happyish ending, I guess, but it's pretty disgusting that they banned you, without any recourse, based on false assumptions. "C'mon Miss," one of them said, "we know you're a stoner. We're going to fix you up." I actually wasn't a stoner and hadn't been for some number of years -- since I became pregnant and had a kid -- but I must have somehow created the impression that I was the kind of person who would be up for their smoky company. I think it was a compliment. It's interesting to find out that the person you are projecting is not the person you think you are projecting.Sometimes another's assumptions useful for your own self-realization.
I'd agree with that statement. We rarely know how others see us. Here's a time when I was misperceived: I was teaching in a community college. After class, I was walking towards the parking lot when two of the guys in the class came up next to me and each grabbed one of my arms and started leading me towards some bushes behind a portable classroom.
I'll agree to that, not to mention the opportunities that arise due to people's attributions. For example, I once applied for a job teaching with a smaller English language center on the recommendation of a friend that worked there. Like most of the foreigners in Viet Nam, my friend is a white guy. I spoke to the owner on the phone several times and she scheduled an interview at a centrally located cafe, as her language center was located in a warren of narrow alleyways. When I got to the cafe, I called her and spotted her looking around for whom she might be speaking to. To spare her the trouble, I walked over to her, while still on the phone and said, "excuse me, I think you might be looking for me. Are you Ms. (I forget her name)?" She took one look at me and flatly said, "No." Now, a word about my appearance. While I am American, I'm not white. My parents are Filipino and I spend a lot of time outdoors with my dog, so I can get pretty dark. In the West, it's good to be tan. In the East, that's no good. It denotes that one is a laborer. Now, I was wearing my business clothes, had a nice phone to my ear and my big ol' smile that usually gets me treated nicely, but I was not what this lady was expecting to see. She did her best to recover gracefully, but I pressed her hard and was able to demonstrate my value as a teacher such that I was able to get a much better rate than she was offering. People tend to show more than they want to when they resort to assumptions and attributions and while it can be hurtful at times, it can sometimes show you where to stick the knife and how deep. That goes for gambling too.Sometimes another's assumptions useful for your own self-realization.
As someone who has taught in Vietnam before, the only job requirement is whiteness (English is secondary). Most of my white co-workers were stage x alchies, forced expats (from crime) or just so fucked up in the head that it was a challenge talking to them. I bet you had a different experience, if you weren't in the boonies like I was. The exception, however, was one co-worker of mine, whose parents actually moved from Vietnam after the war. If I needed new clothes or food from the market, I would always go with her, because even though her Vietnamese was weak (people still tried constantly to speak to her), she never got the de-facto foreigner tax. Being the racial minority in such situations is a bit challenging but fun. On another note, all the Filipinos (by nationality) I met in VN were teachers, but I met very few. So true! I'll have to think about that a little more.People tend to show more than they want to when they resort to assumptions and attributions and while it can be hurtful at times, it can sometimes show you where to stick the knife and how deep. That goes for gambling too.
Where were you based, if you don't mind me asking? I was in Vung Tau, so right in the middle of the oil industry. Lots of northerners and lots of nouveau riche northerners and even some Russians/Ukrainians. Actually, most of the foreigners in town were Aussies and guys from the UK, working rigs. I'd bet with your mining experience you'd be able to get some kind of job in Vung Tau if you're ever interested in returning to VN. In my experience, Viet Kieu are treated nicely to their face, but often talked about behind their backs, but from what few Viet Kieu I've encountered, I'd say that the reputation isn't entirely unwarranted from the Viet perspective. It's a strange place (what place isn't) and I'm glad I lived there for a while, but I'm glad I'm moving on to other things.
Oh, very nice! I've heard good things about it and new a few teachers that would visit there. I was based in Can Tho, Soc Trang (with the bat pagoda) and Vinh Long. Most of my mining experience isn't direct with engineering, unfortunately, so I don't think my skills would apply. I knew a 70-year old Aussie who had been in VN since his early twenties. He flipped a car without insurance and fled the country. Characters like that make the place extra strange.
Ah ok. Well, at least those places aren't as out in the boonies as they could be. Such a beautiful country (away from the cities that is). As for your experience, you might be surprised. Sometimes it's more about who is available and if their skills are even somewhat in line with an opening.