Have you contacted your colleague yet to get her perspective on what happened and what she thinks about it? Have you tried to identify exactly what it is that makes you more pissed about not being asked if you wanted to go to the conference? You mention that this happened recently, but have you thought about what might be done in the present or future to "set things" right for you?I am more pissed about the fact that I was not asked if I wanted to go to the conference...
I contacted my colleague. She is a kind person, she felt bad about what happened (and I truly believe her). She said that she suggested to put me as first author and if I didn't have time to go instead for me. But my P.I. did it the way she did it. What I am most pissed about that I am being overthrown (?). She just took my data (which is my mental property, I generated it, I invested time and thoughts in it) and just used it to send somebody else to the conference without EVEN asking me if it was okay. Thats like robbery, somehow... I think my P.I. should ask me if I wanted to go, then I would tell her that I am not going and tell her to send my colleague instead. But as the abstract is already submitted I can't change anything. I feel like if I am going to whine about it, it would harm my future. She might not write a good letter of recommendation for me or something similar... It feels like I am actually making a decision that could impact my future in a (possibly) negative way. That is why I am going to back off and let things be. One day when I am a prof. I will not do the same mistakes my P.I. did. Treat people (and their data) with respect!
Hang on a second. It doesn't seem to me like you are whining. It seems like you put real time and real effort into something and want recognition for that fact. I think you're absolutely right in wanting that recognition and to be worried about how your actions might result in some kind of retribution. Obviously, I don't know you or your P.I., but do you get the feeling that she did this intentionally? In your original post, you do mention that you wanted to change your research direction. Is it possible that she is unaware of how her actions have affected you? Is this something that fits a pattern of behavior that has negatively impacted others? I don't think that bringing up your concerns constitutes whining about it. I also don't think that to get recognition for this that you have to be confrontational. It may be that your P.I. acted in an unprofessional manner and that's something that should be addressed. If your institution has any sort of dispute/conflict resolution specialists or mediators, you might be well served by voicing your concerns to them or some other neutral third party with an interest in seeing both of you preserve the relationship and continue to work within the institution. I don't know where you are, though I did see that you mentioned Europe, but in the US many universities and colleges (and increasingly hospitals and private companies) have these kinds of people, of whom other people within the organization might not be aware of.It feels like I am actually making a decision that could impact my future in a (possibly) negative way. That is why I am going to back off and let things be.